Excerpt from one email I wrote last night:

Don’t we just love our neuroses? And our manic-depression? Not to mention our self-destructive tendencies? And our insecurities? I could go on … Meanwhile, stay unwell. We’re just more interesting that way.

Excerpt from another email I wrote last night:

BTW, the blog is very tongue-in-cheek sometimes. It sometimes sound like I’m terribly depressed, but I’m really not. I just write that way. But then, sometimes, I really am. It’s not ever apparent which is truly the case. Not even to me…

Posted on July 31st, 2003 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 3 Comments »

pissed off:

Posted on July 31st, 2003 by jl
Filed under: jikon is... | No Comments »

I finally had the strength and courage to consult the (tarot) cards today.

The first one that came up was the Eight of Cups which reflected the heart of my present situation.

The second card was the Emperor, the third, the Sun. Both cards advise that I need to seize control of the situation and that when I do, the situation will improve considerably. This was reinforced by the Three of Cups which appeared when I prod the cards further. When I let the inner light shine and regain confidence in my life, celebration and joy will follow.

The Page of Wands also popped up. So did the King of Wands. Both suggest significant change in my life. I’m not quite sure what sort of change it would be yet. I gather it’s either in the area of emotions/relationships or in career. Or possibly both. Either way, I’m standing on the cusp of a new dawn, but one that would pose decisional dilemmas once I have made the turning point, as indicated by the Two of Swords. When I asked the cards to clarify, the Fool appeared. The cards were obviously not going to reveal specifically where the changes would take place other than to say a new beginning was around the corner. I will soon step into it, perhaps unwittingly. As if reinforcing Cainer, good times are up ahead.

Posted on July 30th, 2003 by jl
Filed under: Life with a Heavy Heart | 8 Comments »

I’ve just read one of the most poetic and lyrical political paragraphs on Malaysia ever:

… I … realized that it was not 1998 when the hour of midnight struck. Really, the hour of midnight had struck the moment my country was born. We’ve been stuck in midnight all these years. 1969, 1987, 1998 - these were just moments in history when the sky opened up wide enough for us to see that we were consumed by darkness. But the darkness has always been there. We’ve just been too afraid to bring ourselves to see it.

- Imran Rashid in an article which appeared in MuslimWakeUp.com

Posted on July 30th, 2003 by jl
Filed under: My Malaysia | 1 Comment »

Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why
But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me

- Matchbox 20, “Unwell”

Posted on July 30th, 2003 by jl
Filed under: Life with a Heavy Heart | 6 Comments »