What does one say after coming back from the “brink”?

I spent most of yesterday a zombie, keeping busy with what needed to be done, and going to bed early hoping the nightmare would just go away…

Well, surprise, surprise… it didn’t. But I am feeling better, if only just. Problems and difficulties don’t just go away. They never do. They merely recede into the background, nagging the back of your head. If you’re lucky some Prince Charming will come and whisk it all away. But most of us are rarely so lucky. We have to live our real lifes, in our real world. We have to find the strength, on a daily basis, to confront every single one of our demons. A good night’s rest helps, but it doesn’t resolve anything.

Alas, I’m too weak to fight any of my battles today. Instead I will plod through another day of my superficial existence starting with breakfast in (of?) “Cravings”.

Merry Christmas - Peace and Goodwill to All.

Posted on December 25th, 2003 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 1 Comment »

I want to crawl into bed, cover myself with blankets and curl into the smallest possible ball. I want the curtains drawn, the lights switched off and Barbra Streisand blaring in the stereo. I want to be in a deep, dark place, away from everyone and everything. But most of all, away from life.

Wouldn’t somebody come and give me the biggest, warmest of hugs? Wouldn’t somebody come and tell me it’s all going to be alright? Can’t someone come and take all my pain and problems away? Or at least deal with them on my behalf? I need some support and understanding. I need someone to give me a bloody fucking break.

Where the fuck is that somebody…?

I used to be OK.
I used to be alright.
I used to be so many things…

I feel alone.
Misunderstood.
In pain.
But most of all
suicidal.

Posted on December 24th, 2003 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 11 Comments »

This commentary was published in the Kuala Lumpur edition of the Asian Wall Street Journal on 22 December 2003 on page A9.

Posted on December 22nd, 2003 by jl
Filed under: Intl Financial System | No Comments »

Very slightly spruced up interiors do not hide the fact that “U” is just another Parkson. There are good reasons why in KLCC, Isetan gets more traffic than Parkson. And since the products and brands “U” carries are also available elsewhere, I wouldn’t be rushing back here anytime soon. Especially not when the new wing of 1Utama still reeks of carpentar’s glue and paint; and dust is literally in the air and all over the place. I kid you not!

Posted on December 18th, 2003 by jl
Filed under: My Malaysia | 5 Comments »

This is an interesting extremely concise view of Dr Mahathir Mohamed and his legacy to Malaysia:

Dr Mahathir?s political persona and agenda were an odd mixture. A Malay nationalist, he was determined to repair all the disabling deformations of character, culture and society that resulted from the loss of Malay political power and sovereignty under colonial rule. He was also an economic modernizer and a technological hyper-modernist; and a socio-cultural traditionalist who deplored the consequences of cultural modernity, especially its thoroughgoing individualism. Yet in religious matters he was a decided anti-traditionalist, a principled critic of the old religious establishment with its clericalist aspirations to doctrinal monopolization, in short, a religious modernist or individualist.

To be an interesting mixture is no crime in a politician, and Dr Mahathir was certainly a multifaceted personality. But when public policy seeks to create a social order that is somehow an external counterpart or objectified realization of the leader?s eclectic tendencies and interests, a certain political incoherence may ensue. Arguably, this is what happened under the long domination of Malaysian political life by Dr Mahathir?s very personal outlook and agenda. Reconciling a backward-looking social deference and cultural conformism with the ?inner-directed? ethical individualism of the religious modernist is the new, post-Mahathirian ?Malay dilemma?. Overcoming, not simply rhetorically but in public policy and substantive social reality, the tensions in his legacy between cultural traditionalism and economic modernization is a challenge that Dr Mahathir has left to all Malaysians.

This is an excerpt of a longer article by Professor Clive Kessler.

Posted on December 17th, 2003 by jl
Filed under: My Malaysia | No Comments »