Maintaining a blog is wierd. Maintaining a blog where you say a lot is wierd. Maintaning a blog where you spill quite a bit, if not all, of your life is very wierd.

You never know who might “stumble” onto your blog. Or who actually reads it regularly. You never know who tells what to whom and how that might come back to you. Worse, you never quite know what impressions people will form from what they read on your blog.

While it’s alright to talk about it with close friends, you’re never quite prepared for those moments when a stranger, or someone you don’t know too well, mentions your blog in a conversation. You’ll always be a little startled, and not always pleasantly. What have they read? What did I write recently? What do they think they know about me?

There are days you get offended when people who know you have a blog, don’t read it and proceed to ask you how you are after you’ve just spilled your entire guts over the world wide web. Then, there are quiet, wierd moments when friends thread lightly and say very little because they have read your blog and seen the demons inside. And then there are days when no one says much because it’s all been said, and read, in your blog.

You never quite know what happens after you blog. And it can be wierd.

Posted on January 22nd, 2004 by jl
Filed under: About this blog | 11 Comments »

If ever I should die, and I know I will one day, I would like the following to be read at my memorial service:

I didn’t think it would end this way…

End? No, the journey doesn’t end here.
There’s another path, one that we all must take.
The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back
and it will change to silver grass
and then you see it.

See what?

White shores and beyond them,
a far green country under a swift sunrise.

- from Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Posted on January 22nd, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 5 Comments »

I am such a heretic. Everyone I know is taking the day off work tomorrow. They are going back to their hometowns, or cleaning their homes, or cooking the great reunion dinner.

Me? What am I going to do? I going to sit in some of the best seats of one of the better cinemas in KL to watch the Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King! No, I haven’t watched it yet. I figured with the great exodus from Kuala Lumpur and the preoccupation with cultural rites, I’ll just about have the whole cinema to myself. No mobile phones ringing. No annoying running commentaries behind me. And no kids screaming in the room.

And the reunion dinner? What reunion dinner?! I’ll go home early, roast chicken and vegetables and open a can of soup! And don’t even mention hometown. I can’t bear the thought of driving in the madness that will be the North-South Highway. In any case, KL is my hometown!

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year to one and all!

p/s if the pictograph above doesn’t actually say “Gong Xi Fa Cai” - keep it to youself! God only knows what it says…!

Posted on January 20th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 11 Comments »

WARNING: This is a spoiler. Do not read if SATC means anything to you!!!

Posted on January 18th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 5 Comments »

I gave up on the pills. I couldn’t take the effect of the anti-histamines anymore. It never went away - not even 24 hours after I had taken them. Since I had to take one pill a day, I was effectively under the dense, foggy world of anti-histamines continuously. Not only did I not enjoy having an out-of-body experience, thanks to a heavy clouded head, I actually felt somewhat nauseous and, incredibly as it may sound considering these are anti-depressants I’m taking, suicidal even - especially when I was listening to Martinu’s Double Concerto for Two String Orchestras, Piano, and Timpani at the Dewan Filharmonik Petronas last night.

So… I decided not to take the little yellow pill last night and I must say I feel so much better today. More awake. More alert. More human. But my mind is still just a tad bit cloudy - there must be quite a lot of anti-histamine in that concoction for me to still feel it 36 hours after taking that last pill (!), either that or it’s the other chemicals working on my body. Whatever it is, not good… Must go see sympathetic doctor again on Monday. Maybe she’ll prescribe Xanax instead - apparently very popular among Malaysian bloggers… well, at least two I know!

Posted on January 18th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 4 Comments »