mind.ful of mirrors » 2004

Riding out the crisis wave

This was published on page 31 of the 18 January 2004 edition of the Sunday Star, Malaysia and was obtained from here.

Posted on January 18th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Intl Financial System | No Comments »

they dull my senses. they make me woozy, groggy, out of whack… my head still feels heavy, and it’s noon already… if I sit still and stare into space, i swear my head will drop off… i want to crawl into bed but there’s still a day’s job to be done. fortunately, i’m not completely incapacitated - though i sure feel like i’m in a drunken stupor, not that i would know since i don’t drink… if i put my mind to it and concentrate, i am actually quite productive today. talk about mind over matter, not that i subscribe to these quack 80s darwinian self-help philosophy

the cold war has ended. i think. he crawled into bed last night and gave me a hug, which he repeated this morning. but i’m holding my breath. and my head… why is everything moving? stop… stay still… i feel like throwing up. hmmm… maybe it’s my glasses. need to pick up the new spectacles this evening.

oh god… my tongue is leadened and yucky. i feel terrible… must go for lunch.

If you want to steer your car down a long road, it helps to have your wheels pointing in the same direction. Your head and heart are now in a state of disagreement. This suggests that useful progress is going to be hard to achieve. These two driving forces in your life must be made to back each other up. You can’t simply ignore one, while allowing yourself to be guided by the other. Ask yourself what you feel. Then ask yourself what you think. Next, seek a way to reconcile both impulses. Mars and Jupiter insist this is possible as well as essential.

Posted on January 16th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 7 Comments »

pill popping time

I don’t like you
But I love you
Seems like I’m always
thinking of you
You treat me badly
I love you madly
You’ve really got a hold on me

I don’t want you
But I need you
Don’t wanna kiss you
But I need you
You do me wrong now
My love is strong now
You’ve really got a hold on me

I love you and all that I want you to do
Is just hold me, hold me, hold me
hold me
- cyndi lauper

I’ve been a yo-yo today. One minute up. The other minute down. One second smiling. The other looking glum. I knew listening to Cyndi Lauper’s At Last album first thing in the morning was not a good idea, but hell… you only live once. And if that means being on the verge of tears all day long, then so be it.

Of course, having been a good strong boy the last few days, restraining myself, not crying, not giving in to emotions and not talking about it meant that it had to boil over sometime. That alas, came today.

Nope, I can’t do love or life. But I can do pills. And thanks to good understanding doctor, I got myself some. In fact, two weeks worth of it. I can’t remember what she said they were called, but it’s a lovely concoction of all things good for you - anti-histamines, anti-depressants etc. - in a lovely tiny bright yellow package. I’ve just popped one and if I sound incoherent in this post, blame it on the medication.

Cold War going into day four. Don’t know how much longer I can hold up…

Don’t wanna leave you
don’t wanna stay here
Don’t wanna spend another day here
Oh, I just don’t fit now
I just can quit now
You’ve really got a hold on me
You’ve really got a hold on me, baby
- cyndi lauper

Posted on January 15th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 3 Comments »