I’m disappointed by something that is superficially so trivial, but that inadvertently, though not innocently, became inbued with meaning and significance to me.

I am pining for something that was never there. That was never real. That seemed promising but was never manifested.

I yearn. I yearn.

There is a hole, a gap waiting to be filled but that now looks like it never will.

It hurts.

I don’t know why, and it seems so stupid. But it hurts.

I wake up in the morning and it hurts. I get some quiet time and it hurts. My heart aches for a loving hand that was imagined. And it hurts.

It’s been two days and it still hurts.
Even though it was never real to begin with.
Because it was never real to begin with.

As the hours tick by, it will never begin to be real.

It hurts. I hurt.

Posted on February 15th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 2 Comments »

You will never know the exquisite pain of the guy who goes home alone.

- Brian in “Vanilla Sky“

Posted on February 15th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 1 Comment »

Posted on February 14th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 1 Comment »

Posted on February 13th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 1 Comment »

I was very bored on 26 January 2004 and ended up surfing the internet aimlessly. This is usually a very bad thing because I waste so much time that way, but on that day, it was worse. I ended up surfing to HMV.co.uk… and actually buying something!

I’ve previously shopped at HMV.co.uk, both while I was resident in the UK and in Malaysia. I think the experience is worth sharing and that it’s also worth pointing out that it can actually be financially advantageous to buy CDs from them even if you’re residing in Malaysia.

Why would I buy (music) CDs from them? Well, the most crucial consideration for me is that I (most probably) can’t find the CDs I want in Malaysia. I generally buy more classical music CDs than anything else. These are rare in Malaysia and what there is do not necessarily appeal to me. Secondly, most of these classical music CDs are sold at prices that are literal conversions of their retail price in the UK/US - hence the online prices at HMV.co.uk are no more expensive than they are in the stores in Malaysia. Finally, even if the CDs I want are available in Malaysia, unless they are so popular as to be stocked in huge quantities all over, I’d probably end up spending lots of time scouring the city for that illusive copy. Far better to type in a few keywords in a search engine to get what you want in seconds.

In short, if your musical tastes are not quite “mass market” and the CDs you buy are generally expensive in Malaysia, you might want to give serious consideration to buying from an online store in the UK or US.

But enough of the boring theory, here’s the show and tell:

Posted on February 12th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 9 Comments »