WARNING: This is a very self-indulgent cryptic post.

Life is just one big battle after another. Any temporary respite you get is merely the calm before the storm. Revel in it while it lasts because no sooner does it begin, you’ll be swept up in the next wave of the roller coaster of life.

Up and down and up and down and a merry go round. Fairy tales were easier to stomach. But the nightmare of life only induces vomit.

I used to think life too precious to tamper with. I used to have stronger beliefs in a Greater Being out there. I used to think that no matter what, I should hang in there because you never know. You never know…

I wished I did know. I wish I do. Perhaps I might have tailored my expectations and actions to the knowledge. Perhaps I might have lived otherwise. Perhaps I would have chosen not to belief in fairy tales or unfounded ideas of what I can or cannot achieve.

But now, I’m too far gone. Down a brick road, tainted red with the blood of effort, experience and expediency. I’ve taken paths I otherwise might not have, had I known… There’s so much uncertainty out there, just as there was in the past. Not all of it has turned out to be bad, but much of it is not good. One wonders all the time where it will all lead, but I think I’m too far gone. The question is, how much further will I go?

Posted on April 30th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal