wherefore art thou, o blog?
I haven’t much felt like blogging lately, nor have I felt that I have much (more) to say. I started this blog just over a year ago as a form of catharsis, as an outlet to vent my frustrations, but also as a place to disentangle my sometimes very confused thoughts and ideas. Somewhere along the way, the blog acquired a “persona” of its own and my postings “specialised” on the neurotic, existentialist musings of an insane and unsound mind. So much so, that a fellow blogger testified on my Friendster’s profile and:
beg all of you not to read his website unless you “think” you are more depressed that you “think” he is. If you are a happy person, it will bring you down.
One year on, I’m not quite sure why I even have a blog anymore. It seems that all I wanted to say, has been said, and not just by me - how many new takes can you have on dysfunctional relationships or fucked-up lives? How many more times can I whine about the injustices of the Gods and the heavens, before I am struck down by lightning (…actually, on second thoughts, that may not be such a bad thing to happen to me… note to self: must whine more about God being evil…)?
I suppose, as much as I have grown and changed as a person over the last year, so has my relationship with the blog. Perhaps the one thing that hasn’t quite made the full transition is the blog itself. But that begs the question: where do I take it? Or where will it take me?
I’ve been reading a series of novels lately. It started with Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro and then The Bride Stripped Bare. Now, I’m reading Love Remains by Glen Duncan. Despite their differences, they are books on pretty much the same topic: fucked up lives and dysfunctional relationships! When you think about it, there are tons of books out there that revolve around the same two topics. They are just different takes on the same thing. And yet, suckers like me will keep reading them, again and again. Why? Maybe because we’re bored and this satisfies a voyeuristic and vicarious need. Maybe because we’re just idiots. But maybe fucked up lives and dysfunctional relationships are two constants in each of our existence, and maybe, just maybe, we’re all hoping that somehow, somewhere, by visiting the same two topics again and again, we just might find the answers we’ve been looking for.
So where does that leave me and my blog? Well…. I’ll leave you to your conclusions while I keep looking for answers…
Posted on July 7th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: About this blog
usually i dont make comments as whatever a person writes on his/her blog is right for them.
let me make some observations fr a stranger who dont know u , only thru ur blog.
u come across as someone who enjoys ur life, that is my impression. no doubt u go into histrionics now and then, about some things,whihch didnt turn out as u expected; but on the whole i get the impression u like ur life. now maybe u r thinking of a change in direction,hence prompting this post.
i think you suspect the ranting and raving is like someone playing on one note only. even u r getting bored with it. u r thinking of varying the notes. i think it is a good idea.
it will be interesting to see in ur future posts how it is developing. you are a work in progress.best wishes cheers fr anthony
Heheh. Or you can be like me, dear Jikon, seriously contemplating leaving it for good. You’re right there, once the blog acquires a persona of its own..it ceases to be yours..and you cease to be your own person too.
Maybe you need a break, or a revamp. I kinda like it here. They say misery loves company, and all that.
Cheers.
Or maybe you just need someone to ask you “What do you want?”
So, what DO you want?
We all go through that stage…
I call it… blogger’s mid-life crisis.
hey it was supposed to be funny and you shud have cut and pasted the whole testimonial! :p
it is funny.
but i am allowed selective editorial powers!
jikon, do you know you are one of the 4 bloggers i admire that influence me to start my blog? so keep on blogging… even if it is not regular.
cheers!
lucia - the pressure! the pressure!
I kinda concur with Ash on this note - when you start saying to yourself, I shouldn’t blog this because it clashes with the flavour of my blog, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the reason the blog came into being; and if there is a paradigm shift needed.
(YAY! I’ve always wanted to use that phrase “paradigm shift” in a sentence that had nothing to do with politics or the ruling party - now I have!)
Jikon, I’m reading….
JustMe (Sch. of Eng, Law & Biomed Sc.)
I guess blogging is a way to keep yourself sane. Very often the only quality sounding board for an individual is the individual himself. No one really knows you like you do, and even then, you dont really know all there is to know about yourself. Blogs are like our own form of mental therapy. It’s how you deal with the reaction of readers that matter bcoz in essense, you are just baring your innards to be poked and prodded by Joe Everybody.
Dysfuntional relationships. The only reason they’re dysfunctional is becoz we have the myth of the ideal relationship firmly etched into our brain by a lifetime of subconscious reinforcement through romantic movies, love stories and Valentine’s Day (which I’m convinced is a concept thought up by the Satan himself). Relationships are quirky, odd little things. That’s the real meat of it. Still quite enjoyable tho, in spite of it all.
Hey there J…am moving on to Bride Stripped Bare now..LoL….Keep on blogging!
Jikon: This comment is late but since I enjoyed both those books you mentioned, I am wondering what that says about me. Smile, dear. When the whole world looks bleak, we just have to keep soldiering on.