I’ve just seen heaven and hell on earth, over the lunch hour.

I walked out of the office at 1215H with a colleague. As I fancied a sandwich and a hot soup, given today’s gloomy and somewhat cool weather, we went to Delifrance for a quick bite. And then as I had been eagerly anticipating all week, we dropped by Isetan for the first day of their sale and OMG…!

Yes, yes, the store was crowded, but that’s not why I’ve suddenly gone religious and cried for God. No… I need help, nay, I need to be restrained… no, more than that, I need to be tied down and kept locked up (actually, that sounds very kinky at the moment… and I know just the candidate…!) because…. *gulp*… I think I’m going to be spending… *double gulp*… a lot of money this evening… *triple gulp*.

There’s a special sale of Raoul shirts in Isetan KLCC for one week and I saw quite a few shirts I liked - those with subtle striped or checkered designs, as opposed to the largely solid colours I’ve been wearing the last few years. They’re giving away a 50% discount, but these shirts are not cheap to begin with. Most cost just shy of MYR310 each, before discount!

I’ve also been wanting to buy another pair of shoes for work, and with the extra 10% this weekend for Isetan members, I think I might end up walking away with two pairs instead of just the one. The prices are far too attractive and they’ve got some new designs I’ve not seen before!

As the crowd was far too unmanageable and the queues to pay far too long at lunchtime, I’m going back to the store at 16H (thanks to flexi-hours at work). That was the hell bit.

Now, given how much those shirts would cost, even after discount, and given that I’m wanting to get three or four of them, then add on the cost of two pairs of shoes, and a few other items, e.g. casual clothing, which I’m sure will catch my eye in a relatively emptier store at 16H, you can work out how much happier the bank will be when I charge the shopping to my credit cards! And that, is the heaven bit. I think…!

And I haven’t even mentioned the Minolta digital camera promotional stand in the atrium of Suria KLCC…! Very tempting…

p/s I don’t think these boring “happy” what-i-did-today posts suit JikonLai.com very well… must dig out that other existentialist-over analytical-self soon… i miss my depression!

Posted on July 23rd, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 13 Comments »

What is it about a hair cut that makes even the darkest day bright? Not that today’s been that bad, but my hair’s been growing unmanaged for close to two months now (thanks to my hair-stylist who was moving) and it sorely needed some tender loving care.

It’s surprising how different I feel after chopping off a good inch or so. My head feels unburdened. Everything seems clearer. And most important of all, I’m looking gorgeous again, if I do say so myself!

Eric, the stylist, has just moved to the new Bangsar Village shopping centre (the building that used to be Hankyu Jaya and was then abandoned). His shop is now called “Kool Kutz inc.” (I know… what is it about these china-men and their bastardised English?!?), and it sports a very bright (read: hideous) orange theme. That said, as long as you pretend to be slightly colour-blind, the shop’s quite well done up.

What I really like about what they do now is that they don’t just force chinese-tea on you (as they do in so many of these places), but they actually asked if I wanted coffee, tea or even… get this… milo! And then when they brought out the drink, it was on a nice small little wooden serving tray together with a slice of marble cake! I knew there was a reason I was paying MYR60 for the pleasure… aside, of course, from oggling at Eric for half-an-hour (note: he sorely needs a cut himself) and staring at his cute bubble-butt when he was “doing” other clients.

Anyway… the Bangsar Village shopping centre is not very exciting otherwise. Its quite small and it seems to be dominated by dining and service outlets. There are no real “shopping” shops to be had. It’s definitely not a place to go window-shopping. For that, and an opportunity to splurge some hard serious credit (as in card), I have to wait for the Isetan sale tomorrow… drool…

Posted on July 22nd, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 10 Comments »

You’d think that someone well-schooled in economics would understand the personal practical implications of resource constrains…

Well… no.

Understanding resource constrains is one thing. Understanding the practical implications of it in one’s own life is quite another. The fact of the matter is that … I’m broke! Well… not broke exactly, but certainly suffering from a cash-flow crisis (yes, there is a distinction).

I’ve been shopping and spending money with no regard for any constrains whatsoever. In fact, my budget constraint line was just about non-existent. I acted as if I had infinite resources at hand and was therefore moving up and up the utlity curves, satifying myself more and more, being happier and happier… OK. Enough of the Economics-speak.

But I’ve been depressed. And the depressed go shopping. No, it doesn’t buy happiness, but it’s fun nevertheless! Imagine the thrill of carrying ten shopping bags in your hands as you walk from shop to shop to cafe… ah, bliss…! You’ll have to forgive me, but it’s really not my fault. It’s a disease. Really, it is…! (see here)

But it’s now crunch time. I need to do a bit of jiggering before the next (July) pay cheque comes along. And I can’t wait for the August one to arrive with my performance pay bonus (yayayayayayay!!!!). Meanwhile, I’m wondering why the ATM machine refuses to spit out any moolah…

Posted on July 21st, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 8 Comments »

• the almost hour-long walk across the meadows, on a blistery cold Sunday, to The Trout Inn in Oxford for a really good pub meal
• monthly subscriptions to BBC Music Magazine and BBC Good Food
• the Sunday papers
• shopping in Boot’s, W H Smith’s, Sainsbury’s and Tesco’s
• online shopping
• the streets, shops, cafes and atmosphere of Covent Garden
• the remainder bookshops on Charing Cross Road
• Paperchase
• Heal’s and Habitat’s on Tottenham Court Road
• walking up and down King’s Road
• Lush
• the classical music section on HMV Oxford Circus
• attending great classical music concerts on the South Bank and the Barbican Centre
• queueing up for promming tickets on a Summer’s evening
• theatre at the National Theatre
• opera at the ENO
• the art galleries
• the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival
• the English (men)
• the train slowing down, the doors opening and a voiceover announcing “mind the gap”
• keeping right on the escalators
• long walks in tended parks on an afternoon
• biking down the streets of Oxford
• the incomprehensible, unsurpassable, immense library system of Oxford
• the crisp, clear weather after many days of grey and wet
• drinks with Mike after work at Kudos
• sitting in a cafe on Old Compton Road, watching the world go by
• Borders Cafe at 22H
• kissing passionately in public without fear of reprisals
• afternoon tea in the back garden on a warm day in late Spring with freshly baked scones and good friends all around
• England in Summer
• the proximity to the Continent
• me in England

Serious issues are surfacing. You feel weighed down by the sheer intensity of an emotional burden. This partly explains your overwhelming desire to get away from it all. You want to escape, to travel, to learn something new or - failing all of that - to explore some totally different psychological territory. You are tired of looking at the same old set of circumstances in the same old way. You yearn for a fresh perspective. Failing that, you at least want power over a situation that currently seems beyond influence. Saturn and Jupiter look set to grant both these wishes for you soon.. and more.

- Cainer, for the week

Posted on July 19th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 37 Comments »

What is the universe trying to tell you? Given the number of confusing, mysterious or just plain awkward developments that have occurred lately, you have to decide that there’s a message or signal of some sort being sent your way. It doesn’t necessarily follow though, that you are supposed to stop doing something or to change an essential plan. It may well be that you are simply heading for the right destination but in the wrong way. Before you give up on your goal, try changing the route that you are taking to it. This weekend, as the opposition of Mars and Neptune’s opposition begins to lose its intensity, clarity will return.

- Cainer, Aries for today

[If you ever needed "proof" that he "knows", today is it.]

I shit on the world today. (Ooo, have I just invented a new fuck-phrase? Nah, I can’t really be that smart….)

I feel bad writing on this blog sometimes. I feel like I’m short-changing everybody. Half of it is in code, half of it is left decidedly ambiguous, and the other half (no, you’re right, I can’t even do Maths) is so vague it doesn’t even bear reading.

This is the effect of not standing behind a veil of anonymity.

I can’t write openly about my work because it’s “sensitive”. I also can’t be seen slagging off my colleagues in public, even if I do in private. I can’t write about my relationship, because well… that’s obviously private. I can’t also be seen bitching about my friends (and some of them can be bitches). I can’t write openly about things that are happening to me, but that for various reasons, must be kept confidential (for the moment). So, what’s left for me to write about?

Perhaps this is the reason why some people stop blogging or switch over to a private blog/diary that really is private. Some switch over to an anonymous blog. Others start a second/third/fourth blog and stay anonymous. Others keep the “open” blog going, but don’t write very much.

Or they become like me: writing and telling a lot without actually saying very much. Reading then becomes an exercise of scrutinising between the lines, identifying and deciphering the double entendres, and triangulating facts/emotions/events with what’s written on the blog and comments left on other blogs (yes, I am being serious) … But that’s tiring. And it’s not quite “fair” to the readers, though considering we don’t have an explicit contract between us, the idea of “fairness” is a very slippery one. But yes, I do acknowledge the effort put into “visiting” this blog regularly and therefore the implied obligations on my part.

Meanwhile, today’s a shite day. Actually, the recent times have been a shite period. I can’t really say anything here, but those who know, will know. And those who don’t, well… you’ll figure it out, I’m sure.

God’s far too busy sitting on the bog today, with me under it.

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd; but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed; but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

…

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
- Five For Fighting, “Superman”

Posted on July 16th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: The other half | 9 Comments »