hunger and death
I’m hungry. It’s almost 20H. All I’ve eaten all day is a yam bun and half a moon cake. Meal times are the worse. That’s when you feel most alone. When the hunger pangs strike and you realise that previously, the dinner decision would have been made an hour ago and that you’d be on your way by now. Accompanied. I don’t relish the prospect of going out alone to find food to eat. Everyone else is busy - working, other plans, dating… And there’s no car.
The weekends just compound it. The house is quiet. There’s no one else at home. Where my mind would have been focussed on extra-curricular activities in a previous existence, when you are in a partnership, all that generally stops. Now I find myself with 48 hours and nothing prospective to do. No more long breakfasts while reading the newspapers. No more spending the afternoons in shopping centres, just walking about, holding hands. No more lazing in front of the television, leaning against each other. Now I find myself in front of the computer - hungry, alone, and staring at a blank screen.
The long quiet hours alone kill you. Not the hunger.
Posted on August 28th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal
jikon, i think it’s time for u 2 let go. u’ll feel lot more happier than this..
one of the saddest thing about post breakup is when you realise that there is no more “default plan”. when the weekend comes, and you’re all alone, and there is no more “the two of us” doing nothing
songs to add in your heartbreak list
linda ronstadt’s long, long time
…Cause I’ve done everything I know to try and make you mine
And I think I’m gonna love you for a long long time
Oh dear.
Take your time, mate. You need all the time you can get, and don’t worry about people telling you to move on and stuff. They’ll hate hearing it too when it comes to their turn.
Yes, I agree. Its really not that easy to let go. You think you have, and then you wake up one morning and start feeling the all-too-familiar ache creeping back into your heart. So its better to wallow for a while until you say ‘Ok! Enough is enough!’
yes, advice like move on sounds more like a cliche… n not easy stuff to do.but believe me,if this go on u will torture yrself more…..at the end of the day its yr choice, maybe u might not choose to do it now but after u’ve gone thru it u would not regret that u choose that path.
more “sut luin kor” [breakup songs]
kim wilde’s four letter word
“I tell ya
It’s hell yeah
When love says goodbye
It’s a four letter word
Because your heart knows
When love goes
The feeling is bad
it’s the worst in the world
It’s sad but true
When nothing you can do, can get it back
Calling out his name
She starts to cry”
… i understand what it’s like
Jim: surprisingly, I do have Linda Ronstadt’s “Long, Long Time” in my music library. I don’t however have Kim Wilde but I distinctly remember that song from a long, long time ago…
Agree with Ash and the others.
Time will initiate the healing process. When it starts, then you’ll need to work at it too.
For now, just make sure you take care of yourself. It is lonely. and it does hurt. just know that so many of your friends will be waiting outside that door once you are ready to open it.
Please go get something to eat. Call pizza delivery.
Early days yet, Jikon. What works for me is spending time outside the home with friends - shopping, watching movies, food, etc….the busyness makes the relative quiet of home seem welcoming. But then, this is me - diff person, diff situation….
Just get a grip on yourself. You’re gay and we are made of tougher stuff.
Keep passing the open windows.
perhaps, it’s time to change the lifestyles..
Are gays made of tougher stuff? I thought you were squishy, just like the rest of us.