Welcome to Zombie-land!
I hate taking medication with sedatives. I’ve always hated them, especially things with anti-histamines. The groggy after effects last for hours on end and would take forever to wear off by which time I’m due for the next dosage.
The Frisium 10 I was taking before didn’t really have any noticeable effect on me, other than allow me to sleep deeper when I did sleep, but it was not a sleeping pill. It was merely supposed to alleviate anxiety and the doctor said that she had given me pills with very, very small dosage of active ingredients.
The sertraline on the other hand is strong. I took one last night at about 20H. But today, I was yawning all morning, my neck muscles felt as if they were contracting (but not tensed in the stressed-out kind of way), and it took more effort to focus my mind otherwise I’d be zoning out. I had woken up at 07H and the horrible after-effects didn’t start to dissipate until about 16H. I should feel “normal” again by about 20H, but by then I need to take my next happy pill!
Welcome to Zombie-land!
I’m going through mood swings like a yo-yo. In fact, yesterday, I went through just about every possible emotion a human being could experience: sadness, tears, anger, happiness, laughter, numbness, anxiety, excitement, frustration, hurt, peace, pain etc. etc. etc.
I finally figured out that at its simplest, I’m caught between my mind and my heart. My mind tells me that in many ways, and for many reasons, our going our separate ways is the “right” thing to do. It has been long in coming… But my heart fights against that logic. It refuses to believe that problems cannot be resolved or obstacles overcome. More importantly, the emotional ties are strong and “right-ness” is defined by intuitive beliefs rather than rational arguments. What after all is “hope” but a question of faith rather than logic?
Unfortunately, at this stage, survival dictates that my heart has to follow my mind. It has to move to where my mind is standing - however slowly or reluctantly. I suppose, at some point, it will get there… but that development is in itself depressing.
Life rarely gives us exactly what we want. Thank goodness. We have, after all, a tendency to want the silliest, most self-defeating things. We get ourselves hopelessly wound up about desires and aspirations which, we imagine, could make us feel totally content. When we are unlucky enough to have our wishes granted, we soon discover the reality is wildly different to the theory. There’s something that you think you want now. Fortunately, you are not likely to get it now. Instead, as your ruler now forms a rare right angle to Pluto, you can expect something far, far better.
- Cainer for Aries today
We need a certain amount of challenge and drama in order to feel alert and alive. Deliberately or inadvertently, we create this. Then we look at how tense life has become and wonder what has gone wrong. But nothing is really wrong with your current situation. It is just the way that it needs to be - stressful and demanding. You are being stretched so that you can grow - and so that you can accomplish something worthwhile. Don’t mistake the tension in your world now for the trivial sort of nuisance that is sent to try us. This has been sent to miraculously transform your life for the better.
- Cainer for Taurus today
Posted on September 7th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal
Dear Jikon,
All the hell and confusion that you are in now, I hope that it will come to a pass soon.
Meanwhile, if it makes you feel any better, even for a moment, do share your thoughts, feelings and pain with us. Remember, you may not know us, but we’re listening. http://www.jikonlai.com/blogs/rantings/archive/000223.html
A well-wisher
Earth, Wind & Fire’s After The Love Has Gone
We tried to find what we had
Till sadness was all we shared
We were scared this affair would lead our love into
Somethin’ happened along the way
Yesterday was all we had
Somethin’ happened along the way
What used to be happy is sad
Somethin’ happened along the way
Oh yesterday was all we had
in all this, jikon, your heart is confused. hope you start listening to your mind.
The original proprietry Sertraline is Zoloft
Give it at least a week for the full effects and for your side effects to go off.
Best to continue for 6 months.
Best wishes
why 6 months?
Dear Jikon,
Had sent you an email via your feedback button to give you a reference.
Don’t stop expressing how you feel. If it is true that you’ve run out of friends on whom to offload, do it here in this blog, as you have. The point of talking about it is actually more for the organising and rationalising of your thoughts to come to an ultimate conclusion/acceptance. Verbalising this process via the written word helps. Hopefully, the time will come when the conclusion will literally be staring you in the face from the pages of your blog.
Most importantly, perhaps he’s reading. The verbal/pysical communication may have broken down, but maybe he would be more receptive to “hearing” you from behind the emotional safety (for him) that written words on a screen provide.
I wish you well, Jikon, as you face the tyranny of time.
Why 6 months ?
Antidepressants take a few weeks to achieve the full effect.
It takes a few months for the hurt to fade & for you to regain your confidence before you can face life without risking relapse.6 months is the usual recommended duration.
hi jikon
you’re not alone. i have caught myself siting on the bed, towel wrapped on my head, dripping wet, staring at the wall for a good hour, max. i feel i’m sleep walking these days and the worst part is having to pretend that i’m happy! confident! when all i want to do is sleep everything away. yet i have to move on. it’s not good for me. i’m not going to say oh… someone else will come your way and you’ll forget X… i hate this idea of replacement, it is as if no one honours the past relationship!
my advice? muddle through. you will make it. i’m… er… still sleepwalking.