thank you
It’s been so long since I’ve really blogged that I don’t quite know how to begin, or what to blog about anymore.
I should first thank the readers of this blog, the very “many” of you, for bearing with me this past month - I know it gets very tiring reading sad, depressing, self-centred stories over and over again. I also appreciate all your words of encouragement and strength - the fact that you cared enough to take the time and effort to leave a comment behind meant a lot to me although I couldn’t find the energy to respond to them.
I’m not sure if I really am out of the woods yet. But at least, I am emerging from my shell and immersing myself back into “life”, whatever that is now. I am certainly not “finished” with Andrew yet - it will be a while before that end comes - but I am beginning to move on. My heart has finally caught up with my brain and they are both slowly synchronising in direction and intent.
There are still a lot of unverbalised and unacknowledged dynamics and observations behind this entire episode, both directly and indirectly concerning my now failed relationship. I know I will revisit them one day, but meanwhile, I’m sweeping them under the carpet - it’s easier to move on that way. One day, when I am stronger, when circumstances have changed, when it no longer hurts and when bitterness recedes, I hope I may, I will be able to talk about them more objectively.
Sun Conjuncts Pluto
You will first start to notice the effects of this transit around 21st September 2004. You will continue to experience this influence until 23rd September 2004 after which time it will rapidly diminish.
The current astrological outlook explains the sensitivity, vulnerability and emotional volatility that you?re experiencing. It also points to an ability to be exceptionally intuitive. If you can get past your fear, your guilt and your tendency to feel panic stricken or needy, you will notice that you?re also hearing another message from a place deep within yourself. A part of you now knows, instinctively, what to choose with regard to a key dilemma. Listen carefully and respond emphatically. This will be a poignant time, full of tender moments - some of which make you feel a little vulnerable and unprotected. Feel whatever you feel - but don?t bother feeling any guilt, shame, embarrassment or fear. All is as it should be. In discovering your own sensitivity, you are discovering a point of inner strength not weakness. You are understanding more about who you truly are and what you truly need. That can only help to ensure a more fruitful future.
- from my personalised Cainer reading
Posted on September 25th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal
you are a great company regardless of your mood. take all the time you need. good friends are always there for you at your worst. *HUGS*
Well, keep blogging. And keep taking pics of food…it looks so GOOD>!
hi Jikon!
it’s not a matter of being finished with Andrew, but letting go. and you are healing - you can recognise that whilst it rains sometimes, the sun will shine after that.
from Alleycats “Jika Kau Bercinta Lagi”, may it be a farewell prayer from you to him
Aku tak dapat menghalang
Engkau punya kemahuan sendiri
Biar ku hidup mengenang peristiwa
Yang tak dapat ku lupa
Kini aku hanya dapat berdoa
Agar berbahagia kau disampingnya
Selamat tinggal
Aku mengundurkan diri
Aku mengundurkan diri
I will also be mengundur-ing diri. hope to catch you blog-ing on an austalian trip soon.
bye Jikon! take good care of yourself!
Glad you’re coming back.
I can’t say anything else, because well, anything more would just be insincere drivel, and I can’t stand that more than anything.
So in short: good on ya mate.
And may whatever deity/greater power you believe in watch over ypu.
?the past never existed
The unknown reality is that everything in the universe exists at ONE TIME, simultaneously. The past is seldom what you remember it to be, for you have already rearranged it from the instant of any given event.
The past is being constantly recreated by each individual as attitudes and associations change. This is an actual recreation, not a symbolic one. The child is indeed still within the man, but he is not the child that ‘was’, for even the child within the man constantly changes.
Therefore every action in your present affects actions you call past. It is possible to react in the past to an event that has not occurred, and to be influenced by your own future.
It is also possible for an individual to react in the past to an event in the future, which in your terms, may never occur.
No event is predestined. Any given event can be changed not only before and during but after its occurrence. The individual is hardly at the mercy of past events, for he changes them constantly. He is hardly at the mercy of future events, for he changes these not only before but after their happenings.
An individuals future actions are not dependent upon a concrete finished past, for such a past never existed.
The past is as real as the future, no more or less. There is a part of you that is NOT locked within physical reality, and that part of you knows that there is only an Eternal Now.
Hey Jikon
It’s good to hear that you’re finally feeling better. I’ve not said anything throughout this episode because well, I don’t know you well enough to say anything meaningful. But I do know what you’re going through - and as you’re discovering, it IS something you’ll get through, eventually.
Chin up matey, it never rains for long.