This AFP report was widely published on 30 November 2004 and was extracted from this URL.

Posted on November 30th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Regionalisation | No Comments »

Published in the Singapore Straits Times on 30 November 2004 and extracted from this URL.

Posted on November 30th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Regionalisation | No Comments »

This is an indirect, meandering, patchwork response to Mj’s invitation on her blog to establish Kuala Lumpur’s S.U.i.C.i.D.E.C.L.u.B.

I’m beginning to think (understand? realise?) that suicide is not really a decision made at a single point in time, but that it is rather the outcome of a series of processes and experiences that result in a finite act.

I used to waver between thinking that people who committed suicide were either cowards opting for an easy way out of life, or courageous individuals with the unimaginable strength to execute such an irreversible act. I am now revising that view. I’m beginning to think (feel?) that people who commit suicide are neither lions nor cowards, but that they are indifferent individuals numbed by continuous pain, however that is defined or induced, that throbs in every nerve and fibre of their body, and that taking one’s own life is for them similar to taking medication - it’s something you pop hoping that it will alleviate the pain.

I used to hold on to the belief, derived from religiously-based assumptions, that life is far too sacred to be sacrificed by a human being’s whimsical decision, and that only God, whoever or whatever s/he/it is, has the “right” to decide on its fate. Alas, like all my other idealistic, uninformed and perhaps naive beliefs of yesteryear - Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, peace on earth, the goodness of mankind, marriage happily ever after, love conquering all - my faith in this is slowly faltering, falling by the wayside.

So… what do I think of suicide?

I don’t know. I’m not sure if I think clearly enough these days to formulate a position on such an important subject. But since different people have different ways of dealing, or not dealing as the case may be, with problems and situations, I’m beginning to think, with more conviction than ever, that suicide may be both a viable and perhaps rational option for some. Suicide, and euthanasia, could be the “right” course of action for some people.

I can’t, of course, say myself what is or is not “right” or “wrong” for each individual - to make such a judgement presumes a particular set of moral values and I’m far too much of a liberal and social realist to dare suggest that others would share my set of values, let alone postulate the existence of a universal set of moral values, with which we can judge each other’s personal decisions and actions. While I realise that this argument leads us to moral relativism, and all the pitfalls that it implies, I honestly don’t see any other “reasonable” and “viable” alternative position if we are to continue living in a society committed to individualism and diversity.

And what about suicide for me?

I don’t know… I don’t particularly relish inflicting pain on myself, hence taking a toxin that would induce cardiac arrest (read on Ash’s blog) is a no, no - that would add more hurt on top of that which I may be suffering and from which I may be trying to escape. If I ever considered suicide, I would want a painless, “peaceful” and “graceful” way out - think bright light, white room and lush, saccharine-laced choral music. The adagio from Mahler’s fifth will also do.

Posted on November 29th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 5 Comments »

Posted on November 28th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: lost blah blah | 4 Comments »

A friend made me cry on Monday night.

She hadn’t seen me for a couple of months. When we met on Friday last week, she wasn’t prepared to see how much I have changed, particularly in my behaviour. She refrained from commenting on Friday, but when we spoke on the telephone on Monday, she couldn’t help bringing up the subject.

She said she hated seeing me “like this”. She said it made her “sad” and “angry”. She asked me not to “do this to yourself” and that I shouldn’t let it affect me so badly. She said many other things, all of which reminded me of the what had happened, is happening, and it made me cry. It tipped over the unstable equilibrium on which I had been balancing over the previous few days, and I lost it.

But it also made me angry.

Posted on November 25th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal | 8 Comments »