suicide
This is an indirect, meandering, patchwork response to Mj’s invitation on her blog to establish Kuala Lumpur’s S.U.i.C.i.D.E.C.L.u.B.
I’m beginning to think (understand? realise?) that suicide is not really a decision made at a single point in time, but that it is rather the outcome of a series of processes and experiences that result in a finite act.
I used to waver between thinking that people who committed suicide were either cowards opting for an easy way out of life, or courageous individuals with the unimaginable strength to execute such an irreversible act. I am now revising that view. I’m beginning to think (feel?) that people who commit suicide are neither lions nor cowards, but that they are indifferent individuals numbed by continuous pain, however that is defined or induced, that throbs in every nerve and fibre of their body, and that taking one’s own life is for them similar to taking medication - it’s something you pop hoping that it will alleviate the pain.
I used to hold on to the belief, derived from religiously-based assumptions, that life is far too sacred to be sacrificed by a human being’s whimsical decision, and that only God, whoever or whatever s/he/it is, has the “right” to decide on its fate. Alas, like all my other idealistic, uninformed and perhaps naive beliefs of yesteryear - Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, peace on earth, the goodness of mankind, marriage happily ever after, love conquering all - my faith in this is slowly faltering, falling by the wayside.
So… what do I think of suicide?
I don’t know. I’m not sure if I think clearly enough these days to formulate a position on such an important subject. But since different people have different ways of dealing, or not dealing as the case may be, with problems and situations, I’m beginning to think, with more conviction than ever, that suicide may be both a viable and perhaps rational option for some. Suicide, and euthanasia, could be the “right” course of action for some people.
I can’t, of course, say myself what is or is not “right” or “wrong” for each individual - to make such a judgement presumes a particular set of moral values and I’m far too much of a liberal and social realist to dare suggest that others would share my set of values, let alone postulate the existence of a universal set of moral values, with which we can judge each other’s personal decisions and actions. While I realise that this argument leads us to moral relativism, and all the pitfalls that it implies, I honestly don’t see any other “reasonable” and “viable” alternative position if we are to continue living in a society committed to individualism and diversity.
And what about suicide for me?
I don’t know… I don’t particularly relish inflicting pain on myself, hence taking a toxin that would induce cardiac arrest (read on Ash’s blog) is a no, no - that would add more hurt on top of that which I may be suffering and from which I may be trying to escape. If I ever considered suicide, I would want a painless, “peaceful” and “graceful” way out - think bright light, white room and lush, saccharine-laced choral music. The adagio from Mahler’s fifth will also do.
Posted on November 29th, 2004 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal
I’ll keep that in mind.
/runs to stock supplies.
Oh er. In the meantime, I think I speak for a lot of us if I say we’d like you to stick around for a bit. This is a bad time for funerals.
well….i think that a lot of ppl are committing suicide. By choice. Smoking is of course, one major way. Yes… smoke smoke smoke until get lung cancer..and then what happens? SUFFER AND DIE LAH of course. Is that committing suicide or what? But what? They enjoyed it mah…the smoking..the highs… the release of stress and tension.
So… while I think it’s ok to think of suicide. I don’t hope anyone I know does it. It would be too painful for those living.
A topic near and dear. Being pro-choice, I am all for suicide and euthanasia.
Different people, different pain thresholds, whether physical or mental. Suicidal people are not cowards. It’s not about cowardly opting for an easy way out, it’s not about being selfish and not thinking about those you leave behind.
It’s about inability, at that moment, to cope with the pain. Weak? Perhaps. But’s that’s just the way it is. Haven’t we all been in the depths of despair at some point in our lives?
People who accuse the suicidal of being selfish are coming from the same perspective of your friend who hates to see you in the state you find yourself.
It’s not about you, to borrow jikon’s words, you who are judging me from the comfort of objective perspective. It’s a very subjective issue, pain. And right now, whether you like it or not, it’s about me. So either stay and LISTEN to me and help me cope or go away and let me do what i think i must.
Talking to/advising a suicidal person doesn’t help. Listening to the same old story over and over again, however, helps. Just listening, truly, is harder than giving cliched advice.
establishing the suicide club is about listening - there is no shame no pain in all these - stephanie and i have dreamed of the ultimate suicide; we dont do it; we just talk it - its not an affront to any religious belief, its not even encouraging the act of; it is just a club where like-minded people can get together and talk, compare or concur - of what its like to end your life; with our god-given free-will -
over a - say; a tupperware product sampling party - whateva - i love my life too much to go too soon. I would regret the things i’ve never done. And before i could if i would take my own life away - i wanna do all the things that i have not yet done - like:
Establishing Kuala Lumpur’s Suicide Club.
Free will is pro-choice.
La Vita e Bella!
Mj
Any time suicide crosses my mind, I think about the impact it would have on my family. It would destroy my dad and my sister, and I can?t even begin to think what my mom would do. Losing a family member is already a nightmare, but the taint of suicide - like murder - makes it particularly devastating. As Ah Chew put it, it?s too painful on those who live on. It?s not something I could handle. And at this point in my life, certainly not something I could ever inflict on the people I love.
This year alone two people I know have killed themselves ? both for reasons of heartbreak. One of them did it just a few weeks ago, leaving behind a family back in Singapore. It frightens me to even imagine what they must be going through right now.