The grief never ends. It just keeps coming at me like waves, rolling on and on and landing on the shores of my heart and soul. The only difference is that they’re now generally more gentle, not like the tsunamis of the earlier months. But they don’t ever stop.

Then of all a sudden, mother nature decides to throw another tantrum and lunges at me with a scimitar-like arch of scalding water. And I find myself back where I was 6 months ago, huddled in fear and drowning in sorrow.

The trick is to stop thinking. Empty out the mind. Slow the pace of breathing. Focus your eyes in the distance but on nothing in particular. And then zonk out like a zombie. If you’re lucky, the waves wouldn’t catch you. They’ll nug at the back of your mind and they’ll try to tear down your defences, but if you are in a catatonic enough state, you’ll stay one-step ahead. That is until your heart weakens and your tears fall into a big pool joining the waves under your feet.

You sheltered me from harm.
You kept me warm
You kept me warm
And you gave my life to me
You set me free,
You set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you
I would give everything I own,
I’d give up my life, my heart, my home.
And I would give everything I own,
Just to have you back again.

Almost two years later, I finally found these while clearing out a suitcase of memories.

p/s Another new definition of a familiar word - friend: someone who lets you cry without asking why.

Posted on January 22nd, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Notable: Personal