Many people seem to think that a student’s life is easy, relaxing and wonderful. To a limited extent, and only a limited extent, that’s true. What most people forget however are the demands and stress that also come with being a student.

This week, I’m grappling with time-management. 24 hours are just not enough to:

• do research and library work, this includes spending hours in front of the photocopier, searching through databases, downloading journal articles etc.;
• reading all the material I’ve obtained from the research;
• thinking about what I have read in a structured and critical manner;
• discussing my thoughts and ideas with others, including supervisor;
• attending “relevant” seminars;
• catching up on news and world developments, both on- and off-line;
• reading and replying to emails; and
• going grocery shopping and then cooking all those many meals that one needs to consume just to survive.

All this before trying to fit in a “balanced” life, i.e. having coffee with friends, watching TV (no more than one hour a day!), surfing the internet, taking time off to clear one’s mind, meeting men and going on dates…

Things have slid behind so much that I’m actually scheduling time in my diary for reading (as in research), newspapers, lunch and television hoping that it would keep me in check. But we all know what’s going to happen, don’t we? We all know how I will really end up spending my time… and what a futile effort this will prove to be…

Posted on March 25th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: work | 7 Comments »

In the business of ranting, spewing negativities and being cynical, you learn very quickly to shut up. Not because life has suddenly taken a turn for the better and it’s all hunky dory - but because other people get tired of the rantings, cynicism and negativities and react very badly to them.

So if I’m not saying anything, it’s not because I don’t have anything to say, it’s just that I’m tired of hearing other people protest at my views; or that I think others are just tired of hearing mine.

Either way, it’s probably best we all keep our mouths shut and our views to ourselves.

Posted on March 24th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: blah blah | 1 Comment »

… and quiet.

Posted on March 22nd, 2005 by jl
Filed under: blah blah | 1 Comment »

“I suppose if a song has been stuck in my head for more than 3 days, it should appear on the blog; as a marker, if nothing else.”

So we’ve already established the fact that
things are gonna be different in the future baby.
And you’ve reiterated the fact that you don’t
want to get into something that’s just gonna have to end later.
Now I know our lives are changing and I’ve seen
it coming for a while too, don’t get me wrong.
And I’ve been going outta town baby it’s gonna happen more,
we gotta be strong but now

While I’m gone
Just be a fly on the wall
You know
I’m thinking about you

Just wait and see
You gotta hear what I say
I’m in love with you
I’m not so far away

Someday, someday
I will be here babe
Someday, someday
I will be the one babe
- Thirsty Merc, “Someday, Someday“

—-

He still pops up in my head at least once a day, invited or otherwise.

—-

The pain… the waves… they’re still travelling alongside me.

Posted on March 16th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Remnants of a Previous Life | 3 Comments »

I had a very productive and satisfying discussion with my supervisor this afternoon. It all went very well, far better than I had hoped. He is such a wonderful and understanding man (I hope he’s reading this…! *grin*).

He was open to the idea of my proposed area of research. While he prodded me on a few areas to clarify how I was going to tackle the more difficult issues, he seemed happy with my present answers, at least enough to let me get on with my work. We also clarified a few matters that were not clear to me and about which I had doubts - the need for a “theoretical” component and the ambit of my research. All in all, we had a very healthy discussion and I think we’re both happy with where we stand.

We’ve now agreed on a work plan for the next couple of months. I will send him a list of material I intend to consult in the next couple of weeks and I report my progress and findings back to him on a 2/3 week interval basis.

I’m of course rather excited about the outcome of our discussion and came out of his room an a high. I’m happy that I now have a more concrete direction of where I am going and that the thesis now appears more “doable” unlike a week ago when it all seemed too fuzzy and too big a project to grapple with. I can now actually picture the final product.

—

Doing a PhD is in many ways emotional and psychological suicide (as I’m sure this woman and probably this one too will attest). You’re expected to embrace a finite project for at least a three year period - most run into four or five years - you effectively live with and do the same thing over and over again for that length of time. More importantly you’re supposed to be the chief stewart and the full work-force of how it develops. Thus, whether it fails or succeeds depends largely on you. You try not to think about it at all and break the work into small manageable chunks. However at the same time, the fear that the magnimity of it all will consume you persists. You either thrive on it and stay as far ahead as you can, or you succumb and drop out at some point.

Posted on March 14th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Crisis !!! | 1 Comment »