I finally did it. After a three week whirlwind “romance”, I “broke up” with NB, voicing all the cliches one could possibly voice on Tuesday night:

It’s not you, it’s me.

I don’t think I’m ready. I’m still hung up on my ex.

I’m very confused at the moment. I don’t know what it is I want.

It’s best we don’t pursue this. I’ll only hurt you.

—

He was a nice man. He had a kind heart. Although we got along, had easy conversations and enjoyed each other’s company, it wouldn’t have worked in the long run. While he was generally generous, loving and considerate - it was all to the point of being a fault.

He was too “passive” for my liking. He wasn’t assertive enough. He lifted me on a pedestal and thought I was God’s most beautiful creation and His greatest gift to NB’s life … it was all too intense. And far too similar to how the-ex and I first started out…

If I had to list them down, these were the biggest issues to me:

• Although he had resolved one of his melodramas, he was still working on the other one and it didn’t look, to me, like it was going to disappear at all.
• Ever noticed how men who are assertive and confident (not arrogant) are attractive, not good-looking, but attractive? Well… he had insecurity and inadequacy issues.
• For someone his age, he had far too many financial problems. And in the three weeks we went out, he only ever bought me one meal. It was at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
• He was a bit weird. I’ll leave it at that.
• He has an odd fascination, to the point of obssession, with his own physical appearances. I’m not talking about grooming issues here…
• He wasn’t terribly good in bed.
• He wasn’t sufficiently “sophisticated” or “worldly-wise”.
• In the end, I just wasn’t that attracted to him. In other words, I just wasn’t into him!

—

The lesson learnt here is that no matter what my heart feels, sometimes, I need to let my mind take charge. Some things just wouldn’t ever make sense. They are not rational and should therefore be abandoned as soon as possible.

—

After I had said my cliches, he told me something that came as a surprise. While I had been giving him the benefit of the doubt, it turned out that he had been lying to me about something that I would consider to be a really important, core issue. Without going into the complicated details, he was, in effect, cheating on me and lying about it. I wasn’t bothered about the cheating, but I was about the lying.

After the revelation, I felt better about dumping him.

Posted on April 21st, 2005 by jl
Filed under: love