I watched a very good, and positive, documentary about gay history in Australia on SBS yesterday. I was so inspired, I thought I’d briefly note down mine. Here are some common questions that people have ask me:
WHEN DID YOU BECOME GAY?
I never “became” gay. I was never not gay. As far as my memory goes, and it goes all the way back to childhood, I’ve always been interested in men and penises! I’ve always lived my life as a gay person and I’ve never actively hidden my sexuality. Thus, I also never came out of the closet because I was never in it. As a corrollary, I was never straight. I was never sexually interested in girls or women. I have never had sex with a woman and I don’t intend to start now.
DO YOU EVER WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE STRAIGHT?
Hmmm…. not really. I only ever think about it in terms of wondering whether my professional life would have been better/easier/more successful, if I had been straight, i.e. has my being an openly gay person affected the course of my career. But I don’t beat myself up about it. It’s not something you can realistically consider just as you can’t realistically consider life born in a different time/place etc.
DO YOUR PARENTS KNOW?
Yes, my parents know. My cousins know. My aunts and uncles know. My entire family knows. My friends know. All my former employers and work colleagues know. In fact, anyone who bothers to open their eyes and their minds, and are prepared to acknowledge the fact, would realise that I am gay. It’s not that I go announcing the fact to all and sundry, I just don’t believe in hiding it when the discussion hovers around sexuality and relationships.
HOW DID YOUR PARENTS FIND OUT?
One night I brought a “trick” home. The next morning, my mum woke up and found us having breakfast together. They were introduced and that was that. It was never an issue.
I don’t know when my dad first found out. But my former-partner attended my paternal grandfather’s funeral while I was out of the country and that wasn’t an issue.
The point really is that I’m not bothered about what others think about my being gay, not even my parents. If others have an issue with it, the problem resides in them, not in me. I’m not interested in this problem of theirs and they should resolve it themselves. So, no, I’m not worried about other people discovering my sexual orientation.
DID YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT GROWING UP AS A GAY PERSON?
No, not at all. I don’t recall ever being seriously picked on because of my sexual preference. Mind you, I wasn’t really a full blown “sexual being” until my late teens and by then, I had developed sufficient intellectual, emotional and personal confidence to be who I thought I was and live the life I wanted to live.
WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE GAY IN MALAYSIA?
It’s actually relatively easy to be gay, at least in Kuala Lumpur, especially if you are (at least) middle-class and have a good income. There are clubs, there are restaurants, there’s shopping, and there’s a (limited) cultural scene. As an educated, middle-class gay person, you’re likely to move around similar social circles that are either gay or gay-friendly. As long as you pay no attention to the local political scene, and most importantly not meddle in it, you can probably have as good a lifestyle as you would, on the average, in most other modern liberal societies. While yes, sodomy and all sexual acts considered to be “against nature” are criminal offences in Malaysia, as far as I know, they are only enforceable if the sexual acts can be observed and I suppose the question is how many of us would actually invite uninterested observers into our bedrooms? err.. ermm.. wait. don’t bother answering that.
So, in general, if you keep your nose out of trouble, trouble will keep out of your sexual life. And with money, you can easily travel elsewhere (Singapore, Australia, Bangkok, Hong Kong, London) when you need a change of pace and scenery.
MARRIAGE, CIVIL UNION OR DE FACTO?
In this case, I believe in the principle of equality, not equivalence, so marriage it is, as long as the same benefit is being conferred on heterosexual partners.
FIRSTS…
* The first big crush I had was on a class-mate in secondary school. I thought he was the hottest boy in the whole form. He had glasses and loved to twirl pens/pencils on his thumb. His “codename” was “roller coaster” because of the initials of his name. I once baked a box of chocolate chip cookies for him on his birthday!
* I had my first sexual encounter when I was 15 (let’s leave the whole legal argument out of this!). There was no penetration and nothing really serious. It was with two white Australian guys - so, yes, my first sexual encounter was also my first, and so far only, menage-a-trois. I love a big entrance!
* I had my first full blown sex when I was 19 when I was working (on industrial training) in Lausanne, Switzerland. It wasn’t memorable.
* The first sexual encounter that meant anything to me was when I was 20. I was working (on industrial training) in Luzern, Switzerland and I had this big “thing” for this really cute Swiss German guy in his mid-20s. We were sort of going out for a few weeks and then I didn’t hear from him again. I was so heart-broken, I quit my job and flew back to Malaysia! Yes, I am a drama-queen!
YOU?
What about you? Share your “gay history” with me? Add a comment below or blog about it and let me know.
Posted on May 27th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay! | 5 Comments »
me: yup. very, very, very happy by the nice turn of events
