A friend and I were having a chat the other day when we stumbled onto the topic of “special tricks”. I’m not talking about magic or sleight of hand shows here. I’m talking about what gay men call sex/sexual encounters that remain sex/sexual encounters and nothing more, i.e. “tricks”. Although tricks are just transient sex/sexual encounters, and your average gay man would have hundreds of those in a lifetime, some would remain steadfastly etched in memory for whatever reason. They are not just perfunctory sex/sexual encounters but are for some reason or other so memorable that they are “special”.

I wonder how many tricks your average gay man would consider to be special - I don’t suppose it would be many. I racked my brain and all I could come up was three. Three special tricks. But mind you, I don’t have as extensive a sexual experience as your average gay man…

The first “special” trick would be this young Swiss guy I met while working in Luzern. We were sort of dating but we also weren’t. We really didn’t spend all that much time together - a few afternoons walking about in the city, mountains and parks. We didn’t really talk much, partially due to the language barrier, partially because he was a shy one. Nevertheless, whatever time we did spend together was somehow “intensive”. Maybe that was what impressed most on me. Other than kissing and cuddling, we never “consumated”, though (but?) he had a huge schlong! Maybe that was what’s special…!

The second would be a guy I met while I was in Oxford, UK. He worked for a courier company (DHL… FedEx… one of those). He had apparently just got divorced and was just starting to explore the “dark” side. We only ever met up three or four times for relatively quick, simple sessions but somehow, he struck a chord in me. Perhaps it was his vulnerability or the tenderness with which he held me after cumming. But in a weird sort of way, he was what I needed at that point in my life.

The third is the guy I met in May this year. The one with the great technique and the good looks. The one who made love to (fucked?) me in a way that I think (fear?) no one else can ever better… This is one to remember for life.

And then there was one trick that never happened. In fact, it wasn’t even my trick, though at that time, I wished he was. I met him coming out of the bushes at Mardi Gras in London one year. But he turned out to be one of the better friends I’ve ever had. And that’s special.

Posted on October 26th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay! | No Comments »

There’s nothing like being sitting down in my own kitchen and drinking a cup of great home-brewed espresso coffee while taking 10 minutes out of a busy life. Or dipping into my large stash of snacks whenever I feel peckish.

There’s nothing like being able to walk around the flat naked while my body dries off completely before slapping on body moisturiser. Or working at home all day still dressed in bed-clothes. Or being able to choose the most appropriate dress for the weather from my wardrobe.

There’s nothing like knowing that everything is where they should be. Or sleeping in my own bed, tucked under a warm duvet, knowing that when I wake up… I’m home.

Posted on October 25th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: blah blah | 2 Comments »

I have to leave the flat in 15 minutes - this has to be quick…

I’ve stumbled on another idea for my research - I elaborated on it in a proposal brief that I sent my supervisor on Monday. I’ve not heard back from him yet.

I’m flying to Melbourne this morning (hence the rush) - a mate of mine from the Department is getting engaged and the party is in a pub in Melbourne on Saturday evening. I’m travelling with one other mate but several of us from the Department will be there in due course.

The paranoid married man attempted to meet again - it’s just a matter of time before his dick, and libido, get the better of him…!

I’ll be back on Monday!

Posted on October 20th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: blah blah | No Comments »

How paranoid can someone be….?

This is a chat I had today with a married man who is curious about gay-sex…

Paul: u at home
me: yeah
Paul: for how long
me: dunno
Paul: ok
Paul: r u horney?
me: yeah
Paul: want me to fuck u
me: sure
Paul: i can be there in 30min
me: ok
Paul: i’ll sms u to open the door
me: ok
Paul: u pretend to come out then back in
Paul: u std free?
me: as far as i know
Paul: thats not a confident answer
me: well… i don’t go for a medical check up everyday
Paul: have u had unsafe sex
me: not recently
Paul: maybe i should leave it
me: your call
Paul: i think your hiding aomething from me
Paul: something
me: i’m not hiding anything from you
me: i last had a thorough medical check-up in December and that was clean
me: and as far as I am aware i haven’t done anything to change that situation
me: on the other hand, you’ve been very undecisive about this whole thing…
Paul: yes i have
Paul: the thought of fucking u turms me on
Paul: but it is the risk of catching something that scares me
me: then don’t fuck. settle for a blow job
Paul: ok
Paul: i’ll sms u
Paul: but u sound unsure yourself
me: i’m unsure if you’re ever going to come - so I’m not holding my breath
Paul: lol
Paul: good answer
Paul: can i trust u that u r clean
Paul: that u will not tell anyone
me: i don’t know any of your friends or work colleagues, so that’s not likely to happen but again, where my health is concern i can only tell you what i know for sure
Paul: r u going to tell any of your friends
me: that i may - but to be honest, what do i know excpet your first name?
Paul: ok we shall leave it
Paul: thanx

—

I though it was rather ironic and rich of him to be moralising with me when he’s married with 3 kids and has already been fooling around with other women, most likely without his wife’s knowledge… And he’s only in his early 30s - if he was older I might buy the argument that he grew up in a time when being gay was taboo, impossible and all that shit; or that the marriage is now “dead” or whatever… but for him to be cloaking himself with moral superiority at his age, doing what he does, really does take the cake…

Honestly! If you’re going to fuck ass, fess up!

p/s girls, i’d watch your husbands if i were you… this guy may be sick, weird, dispicable or whatever else, the fact is he’s not the only one out there… trust me on this - i know! it’s my karma to attract this sort…

Posted on October 17th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay! | 7 Comments »

It’s interesting how quickly no-go-zones pile up. I used to love to talk, not least about myself. However, these days, there seems to be just so many topics I’d rather not go into and so many more that I wish didn’t exist. These days, I find it prudent to smile and keep my mouth shut than to try and engage others in conversation. If at all I had to talk, it seems best to paint a superficial picture and pretend that all was well with the world. But more than that, these days, I even try to delude myself by wrapping things up in nice little parcels and shoving them right to the back of my mind, pretending that they don’t exist at all.

You win, God, you win.

There used to be a time when I would “fight” to the very end, when I would try and try until the race really was over. There used to be a time when I felt that it was a “moral” obligation to do my very best and exert all effort to ensure that what I did really was the very best. Life seemed too short then to waste on mediocrity… How those times have changed…

Now life appears far too long… Effort and good intentions don’t seem to translate into positive outcomes anymore. These days, with idealism more than damaged by the passage of time, excellence has become a code for dreams you can no longer fulfil.

So God… you win. After all these years… I finally give up. I know when I am beaten.

It never rained, the sun was always shining
Every traffic light was always green
There was a time when every door was open
The universe was mine, or so it seemed
Ever roll was seven or eleven
That it would ever end never crossed my mind
I was flying higher than the heavens
Back when the world was mine
- Ronan Keating, “When the World was Mine”

Posted on October 13th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Life! | 2 Comments »