crying
me: i feel completely shite at the moment. lots of reasons
friend: Sorry you’re feeling bad. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help, even if it’s just buy you a coffee
me: i want one double height, chocolate flavoured, frothy-topped, triple strength, low fat, hot blooded young man with movie star looks. language skills optional.
friend: Language skills may be optional but one suspects oral skills are a little more mandatory.. 
—
Sometimes, when we are enveloped in our own dramas, we can become very blind. We can’t see even the most obvious things. Our analytical abilities are dampened and clarity fades. What would otherwise be distinct manageable problems become conflated into one big melodrama, the size of a pink elephant in small white room.
I’m very confused at the moment. I’m still working out the break-up of my 8-year long relationship internally and pyschologically but at the same time I have these other practical issues with funding the Ph.D. and also the intellectual problems of the research project with which to struggle.
… i’m still waiting for that light… for the rainbow… the pot of gold… the end of the bridge…
For the past few days, I’ve been wanting to shut the blinds, turn on sad depressing music and curl up in bed for hours on end. But I haven’t. The thought of escaping to a world removed from reality is far too much of a luxury at the moment. I have a LOT to do. And the deadline for it to be done is looming very largely.
I know I need to try and find some time to “fix” myself. Again. Maybe Thursday. No, maybe next week. Yes, next week. No. Not next week. Maybe the week after that. That would be better… or the week after that? Or maybe… maybe… I’ll be hit by a truck and all my problems would be automatically resolved…?
Posted on October 4th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Life!, Remnants of a Previous Life
I can’t say I understand what you feel or how you feel completely. But, I can tell you that when you know it can’t get any worse than how it is right now, you’ll know that it can only get better from then on. In the meantime, keep your chin up, mate. You’re right, you’ve got a lot to do and despite all you’d gone through, you’ve achieved a lot. And, you WILL achieve more.
Hang in there, mate.
geekchic is right. don’t press yourself too much, like the surroundings has already did. leave some space for breathe. you’re an emotional one, yes but you’re also a rational and bright enough person of being organized. be it physically or mental. suffer what is to be suffered and enjoy what is to be enjoyed. take your time to sort things out. you’ll be fine ^_^ have faith! praying is the greatest power on earth. ALL THE BEST Jikon~
thanks
*hugs* back