It’s interesting how quickly no-go-zones pile up. I used to love to talk, not least about myself. However, these days, there seems to be just so many topics I’d rather not go into and so many more that I wish didn’t exist. These days, I find it prudent to smile and keep my mouth shut than to try and engage others in conversation. If at all I had to talk, it seems best to paint a superficial picture and pretend that all was well with the world. But more than that, these days, I even try to delude myself by wrapping things up in nice little parcels and shoving them right to the back of my mind, pretending that they don’t exist at all.

You win, God, you win.

There used to be a time when I would “fight” to the very end, when I would try and try until the race really was over. There used to be a time when I felt that it was a “moral” obligation to do my very best and exert all effort to ensure that what I did really was the very best. Life seemed too short then to waste on mediocrity… How those times have changed…

Now life appears far too long… Effort and good intentions don’t seem to translate into positive outcomes anymore. These days, with idealism more than damaged by the passage of time, excellence has become a code for dreams you can no longer fulfil.

So God… you win. After all these years… I finally give up. I know when I am beaten.

It never rained, the sun was always shining
Every traffic light was always green
There was a time when every door was open
The universe was mine, or so it seemed
Ever roll was seven or eleven
That it would ever end never crossed my mind
I was flying higher than the heavens
Back when the world was mine
- Ronan Keating, “When the World was Mine”

Posted on October 13th, 2005 by jl
Filed under: Life!