And so it ends. This trip that I dreaded so much. The return to a past that caused me so much anxiety. The confrontation with a fear that did not really happen.

I once learnt that it’s best to leave at the height of the party - that way you wouldn’t have to see how it ends, especially if it ends badly. I should have left Kuala Lumpur two or three days ago. Ten days was more than enough for a return visit. Fourteen just dragged the end needlessly.

This trip is ending as my last days in Kuala Lumpur did in February 2005. The days and hours dragging on. With nothing specific to do, I find myself surfing the internet wirelessly together with the same friend in the same cafe. I’m all packed but not yet able to go. While my body is weighed down by the heat and humidity, my heart is heavy and my eyes threatening to unleash a torrent of tears.

And so I leave Kuala Lumpur for the second time in twelve months. My heart a lot lighter than a year ago. My soul reconstructed. My mind much clearer. And my focus completely shifted to a new life elsewhere… and yet… the past lives within.

Just when I thought that I’ve managed to capture life in words, it turns around and shows me the brilliance of its multi-hued colours that refuse to be tamed. I’m glad I’m basking under its rainbow again… I hope one day to find that pot of gold…

Goodbye Kuala Lumpur.

Thank you to everyone who helped make this trip. Thank you for your time, the laughter, the conversations and the silences. Thank you for the before and the after. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for egging me on, and holding me back. But most of all, thank you for holding me up, whenever you could, through all this…

Posted on January 28th, 2006 by jl
Filed under: Life!