I wonder if everyone’s lives are equally coloured by their previous relationships.

I’ve been dating for the past year and a friend finally pointed out that the one thing I have constantly been doing in the last twelve months is look for flaws in every one of the guys I’ve dated. Not positive points but flaws. It’s as if after having come out of an eight-year relationship, I am assiduously trying to identify character traits or behaviour that didn’t work for me in my previous relationship and immediately discounting the potential that may or may not exist with any guy I was dating.

Perhaps it’s inevitable. Now that I’m beyond my twenties and I’ve been involved in one long-term relationship, the naivety of youthful first love is gone. At this stage of my life, maybe I would never fall irrationally head-over-heels in love anymore. Maybe the time is gone when I would commit myself to someone without questioning or analysing. The blissful ignorance that I use to have of the arduous road of relationships is now gone - forever. Time and experience have replaced that with lessons, rightly or wrongly, whether I like it or not. And these lessons are playing with my mind…

The second time around… I wonder if it’s always just that little bit more difficult or whether it is just me. I am somewhat hesitant and perhaps over-analysing but I am definitely putting up defences. He is a nice guy. I like him a lot… I may even love him. But I learnt in the past few years that “being nice” is not enough… and neither is “love”…

Friends tell me to “chill”, ”take it easy” and “enjoy the ride”. The point really is that at my age, I don’t have many more years to waste. These are probably some of the best years of my life and I want to share them with someone worthy, not just any man who will be out of my life in a few months, if not weeks… 

— 

Why is it that after cuddling someone, you are bathed in a wall of their scent for hours…?

Posted on March 12th, 2006 by jl
Filed under: Life!, love