The boyfriend is a rather insecure man. He keeps asking why I love him. He says he’s not a very good looking man, he does not have a buff body, he’s not rich, he has many behavioural traits that annoy me… so why do I love him?

I turned around and asked him the other day why he needed to know. He said it would help him understand. I said some things you’re just not meant to understand.

That said, I don’t think I know myself why I love him.

Some days I think I love him as a result of a conditional reason - in that I love him because he loves me. I know that’s not a very good reason, but some days I think that’s part of it.

Some days I think I love him due to functional reasons. He’s hapy to talk about “issues” that I might have with our relationship and not take things personally. He’ll listen, not just hear, and make necessary changes subtlely. In short, he has skills that are essential for maintaining a relationship - and I love him for that.

Some days I think I love him because - not in spite - of his annoying traits and character flaws. I’m not sure if I would be as interested in a contented relationship where the guy worships me unabashedly and bends to my every whim and fancy. I think I would be bored.

Some days I do what most people do - I list all the goods points about him. Firstly, he’s not unattractive. He may not have Hollywood good-looks but he’s cute enough for me. And he turns me on. Secondly, he makes me laugh. Even when we’re having a disagreement, he has a knack for acknowledging my views and simultaneously put a smile on my face. Finally, I like how our bodies mould together. I feel good in his arms. And some days, I think that’s why I love him.

Posted on May 23rd, 2006 by jl
Filed under: love | 4 Comments »

It’s funny how we have some of our most important and significant discussions in bed, in the dark, in the quiet of the night…

The boyfriend asked me two nights ago, in a soft whisper, “Will you love me forever?”

We were cuddling in bed and the lights were off. In the otherwise utter silence of the room, that question resonated loud and clear… reveberating even… especially through my every nerve and senses.

I said I didn’t know. I said I loved him but that I worried about a few things. I said he knew what they were.

After a long pregnant pause, in which we were both very still, I apologised.

Posted on May 19th, 2006 by jl
Filed under: love | 2 Comments »

It’s been 15 months since I moved to Canberra and 20 since *that* event. I’ve now made a home for myself here and I’m at an advance stage of going down a distinctly different path in life… However, all it takes is one significant date like today to remind me that I once lived an altogether different life, in a different world with completely different dynamics where I once was a different person…

Posted on May 11th, 2006 by jl
Filed under: Remnants of a Previous Life | 1 Comment »