It’s less than 24 hours before I board a plane to return to Kuala Lumpur. I’m anxious and reticient about this trip but I also know, that it will be the beginning of the next chapter of my new life.

I’ve put this trip off twice now. The first time I moved it from June to end of July because I needed more time to prepare for it - I’ve spent the last three months or so working really hard to get ready for what is essentially a work trip.  The second time, I pushed it back by four days for several small reasons that alone wouldn’t be sufficient to make the change but together made better justification although one of those reasons is a rather trivial but emotionally rewarding one - I’ve been following this year’s Australian Big Brother for 100 days now and I wasn’t going to miss the finale by three days! I thought I would be leaving on a super-high but my favourite contestant did not win - nevertheless, the last three days of this show has been great and I’m ending this chapter of my stay in Australia on a relatively good note.

However… I’m anxious and apprehensive about this trip. Two reasons. Firstly, where work is concerned, I’m not sure if I will be able to accomplish what I need to do in order to move the research project forward - and I really, really need to move the project forward. Secondly, although it’s been almost two years since it ended, and although I’ve somewhat moved on emotionally, I’m still haunted by the relationship that I left behind in Kuala Lumpur. There is still the fear that I will bump into him around the next corner and always the knowledge that memories lie scattered throughout the city.

This will be a long trip - I will be away for almost 3 months, about half that time will be spent in KL. I wished I didn’t have to go. I wished the work would come to me instead. Alas… no.

On the eve of this long journey, I realise how much, in the last 18 months, Canberra has become home and Kuala Lumpur just another place I visit. I’m looking forward to seeing some good friends again - and my best mate in Malaysia will meet me at the airport - but I know that I will miss walking out into the brilliant sunsets every evening. I will miss the easy, comfortable life of Canberra. I will miss my cosy flat. And I will miss the security of my little nook here - my home.

Posted on August 1st, 2006 by jl
Filed under: Life!, Remnants of a Previous Life