markers of time
I suspect most of us would use major (life) events to mark the passage of time and we would relate minor (life) events to these larger ones when asked to place them in the continuum of time. So for instance, if I was asked when event ”A” occurred, I would remember that “A” occurred shortly before event “B” and that “B” happened on “X” date, so “A” must have been shortly before “X”.
Thus, my major life markers: mid-1996 was marked by my return to university. In September 1997, I went to the UK. I began my Masters programme in October 1998. In August 2001, I finished that lot of studying and returned to Malaysia. I started on one of my better work-experiences in February 2002. In August 2004, an eight-year relationship ended. I went back to university for the PhD in February 2005. And in January 2006, I made my first apprehensive return to Kuala Lumpur.
On Saturday, someone asked me how long I had known a particular friend. I went through my memory and recalled that I had met her after I had begun on that wonderful work-experience but before the relationship ended. However I could not quite place when I had met her in the time between February 2002 and August 2004 - those were the lost, and best forgotten, years.
—
It’s been almost exactly two years since I last saw him. Truth be told - although I have managed to find happiness (however short-lived) and build a life elsewhere, there’s still a part of me that still grieves for the (early) end of what could have been; a part of me that wonders if things couldn’t have turned out differently, a part of me that asks if perhaps we might not find each other again on this long journey of life…
I wonder what he is doing, where he may be and whom he might be seeing… but I know it still hurts too much to know. A part of me still hasn’t let go…
Posted on September 4th, 2006 by jl
Filed under: work
Hey,
I know how people say “you’ll get over it”, or “you’ll find someone else”, but I always believe that you’re gonna carry a part of that person with you.
But I do believe that it does get better, and the only option is to move on. Although you might love to believe in fairytale endings, the truth is we do live in reality. And reality hurts. I found one of the best quotes by Neil gaiman, something which struck me deeply for the simplistic way it attacked such a profound feelings.
““Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.â€