While my mate has discovered menopause, I think I’m beginning to get an idea of what it must be like to suffer from post-natal depression.

I’ve been back in Australia for almost four weeks now (three and a half to be precise) and I haven’t done much of anything that is remotely related to work, and consequently related to the main purpose of my being here. I just haven’t been able to summon the energy for all the exertion that’s required in work-related activity. In fact, I dare say that I just haven’t had the interest in my work at all since I returned from the field. All I’ve been doing is spring-cleaning (my music library, my emails, my flat), reading novels and meeting friends for coffee (and even then, there is only a handful of individuals I can be bothered to make arrangements to see). The only real effort I’ve made in the last few weeks has been in my gym routine.

I was looking back at my notes from the fieldwork today. All the energy, focus and enthusiasm I had then, while in Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur, flashed through my mind as I flipped through the pages, but simultaneously, I know, I just know, there is no way that I will perform at that level for the next few weeks, if not months - at least! But yes, at least I was looking at my notes… and that is a start however paltry it might be especially since the day was overshadowed by more coffee drinking, novel reading and mindless internet surfing.

I do think I’ve been either “depressed” or completely deflated since coming back. It wasn’t until the last couple of days that I’ve started to think about work, and even then only minimally. I’ve been nurturing and working at this fieldwork for about nine months from February to October, at first slowly and lightly, and then increasingly more focussed and intense… then all of a sudden, it’s over… and I jump on an eight hour flight across balmy ASEAN and leave it all behind! Nine months of hell had come and gone and I don’t ever want to see them again!

Sadly, as with most pregnancies, the pregnancy itself is probably the easy bit. It’s what comes after that that is frighteningly time- and energy-consuming, not to mention emotionally draining. So after nine months of hell, all one has to look forward to is… yet more hell! As such, are you surprised I’m depressed and not the least bit motivated right now?

Posted on November 16th, 2006 by jl
Filed under: Life!, VivaVoce