6 Responses to “negotiating monogamy”

1. Anon, on January 27th, 2007 at 1306H Said:

   Um that’s a load of crap sorry to say. Straight people have just as much trouble ‘negotiating’ a monogamous relationship as gay people. There is very little difference between the problems faced by both gay and straight people cos at the end of the day we’re all human and relationships are hard.

2. jl, on January 27th, 2007 at 1502H Said:

   hmmm.. i see your point, particularly that last bit, but i do think that it’s still true that *generally* straight people do take as a “default” position that relationships should be monogamous whereas that’s not the case among gay men these days. that said, i might agree that among “westernised” straight communities even that “default” position is changing, albeit slowly. but among the girls that i know, no one seems to have encountered this difficulty of convincing their boyfriends that monogamy is desirable or should even be negotiated!

3. Xiaoru, on January 28th, 2007 at 2251H Said:

   Girls have no difficulty convincing their boyfriends of monogamy. Wow, you think? How else will their bfs get their hands on those boobies if not by saying what they want to hear?

   For all its worth, I’ve long accepted that nothing can cure a roving eye. Most men are quite intent to prove that their sole purpose in life is to reproduce or at least sow their oats in as many holes as possible. They can’t do anything about it cause its on auto-pilot which will only stop when they are 6 feet underground. Or when they get disfigured by some horrible disease and nobody wants them during which time they become monks.

4. jl, on January 29th, 2007 at 0117H Said:

   Xiaoru - I’m not saying that “straight men do not stray” or “do not have a tendency to stray” - I am saying that “straight *relationships* have a default position of being monogamous whereas gay ones don’t - there is a distinction being made here about the “nature of relationships” and the “nature of men”.

   But yes, I would generally agree with you that men generally would have sex with as many partners as they possibly could - this is “proven” in the gay community! The difference is that this is seen as “normal” and “acceptable” in the gay world whereas in the straight world it would be viewed with disapproving eyes. And this brings me back to my original comment.

5. Jay, on January 30th, 2007 at 1132H Said:

   You definitely find more open relationships in the gay world. I know of VERY few long-term gay relationships that have stayed monogamous.

   In fact… I can’t think of a single one at the moment.

6. Julia Goolia, on January 30th, 2007 at 1212H Said:

   I think it’s a bit of an extremist view that all gay guys are whores… and in open relationships . It’s men in general and obviously when you have 2 men in a r/s this causes more rooting around. But I think the main thing is that str8 couples have this whole thing installed that they ‘must’ get married and have a family and all that, and I still think a majority of the men (and a lot of the women) sleep around on the side - they’re just more discreet, where gay guys sometimes don’t understand the word.

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