It amazes me how gay guys can *not* know how to give a decent blow-job - frankly, how is that possible?!?

In the gay world, you can stereotypically be a bottom, a versatile or a top. If you’re a bottom, you had bloody better know how to give a blow-job otherwise there really isn’t much you can offer others in the sexual realm. It’s one of the core tools of your trade, so to speak and if you don’t have it, there really is no point in trading.

If you’re either a versatile or a top, I would assume you’d have received blow-jobs before and if you’re a “normal” gay man, I’d assume you would have received countless blow-jobs from countless number of men in which case, I’d assume you would know how to discern between a good and a bad blow-job. In fact, I would also hope that if you had half a brain, and if you were not completely lost in the ecstasy, you would have been paying attention when you were getting good blow-jobs and noting down, at least at a vague level, what was being done to you and that you should, in theory, be able to replicate that when necessary…

Sadly, I think I over-estimate the capabilities of men… as usual.

I had one of my most pointless blow-jobs last night. It felt like someone took a big empty plastic bag, put it over my dick, forgot to seal the opening and then proceeded to moved it up and down. Yes, guys… it felt as if my dick was floating in a vacuum. Pointless.

I may not give the best blow-jobs on earth - I’ve never entered a global blow-job competition before - but I do know that I give a mean one… and I’m being modest here! So, what was missing last night?!?

Firstly, pressure. Guys, this is not your mother’s fine-bone china. It’s not going to break if you circled your mouth around it and then clamped down. In fact, you need to apply pressure if the recipient is to feel anything. This is done in at least two ways - firstly, through your lips (when you clamp down) and secondly by creating a vacuum in your mouth (as if you were sucking very, very hard on a lollipop or a boiled sweet). Of course, vary the pressure but you have to apply some now and again otherwise it’s pretty pointless.

Secondly, you have a tongue - use it! Use it to lick the penis before you put it into your mouth and use it when the penis is in your mouth. Lick the bloody penis all over and apply pressure now and again with your tongue. Lick the penis as if there was a coat of chocolate/cream/paint whatever on the penis and you wanted to make sure that every single drop of that chocolate/cream/paint comes of the penis. And you have to lick very hard to make sure it comes off.

Thirdly, spit - there was far too much. Guys, a little bit of spit is good to lube it up a bit but there can be far too much. Just like you don’t want far too much lube when you’re fucking someone, you don’t want far too much spit either when giving blow-jobs. Some friction is a good thing here (that’s what the pressure partially does as well) - in fact, that’s what gets the bloody penis off. Otherwise it’s like a penis moving in a vacuum. Pointless.

Posted on February 3rd, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay!