bad sex = goodbye ?!??
Help me out here. I’m struggling with a moral dilemma.
Would I be shallow if I decided to stop seeing someone because the sex is bad? I mean, is it morally “wrong” to terminate a relationship because the sexual satisfaction one derives from it is mediocre at best? Is there any moral code by which such action would be perfectly justifiable?!?!
Alright… you might ask, what do I mean by bad sex? What is bad sex to me? What are we talking about here?!?
I’ll enumerate:
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(1) his hair regrowth is pretty quick and his stubbles are quite bristly, so pash rash is a problem of sorts;
(2) he has a hot internal-body and he sweats a lot. While some sweat can be nice in the sexual context, a profusion of it somehow turns me off (never the fact that I would have to change the sweat-soaked sheets);
(3) he’s like an animal when he’s all horned up. While passion is a good thing, gruff… or too much gruff is not. It’s all a little too primitive for my liking. I kind of like my sex with white gloves on, if you know what I mean…;
(4) and there was this;
(5) he’s not loud but he certainly likes a personal soundtrack with his sex!
That said, these things on their own don’t really tip the scale, the one thing that does is this:
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(6) he smokes. I don’t. Enough said.
So… back to my predicament… is it bad to stop seeing someone just because the sex is bad? Would it be too shallow, even for me, if I did that?!?
Posted on February 9th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay!
so the smoking’s the straw that broke the camels back? i wonder why you dated him at all if you find it such a repulsive habit. you’re just a slut. dont make excuses.
anon: i honestly didn’t know he was a smoker until much later. i was under the impression that he was a social smoker, i.e. that he smoked the occassional cigarette only when he went to clubs with friend. It wasn’t until very very much later that i discovered that he smoked 7 or 8 ciggies a day… call it naivety if you will but i wasn’t being slutty here. FYI, if i wanted to be slutty, i can easily do it anytime i want WITHOUT having to date anyone - it saves the hassle.
Of course its a good reason, don’t be stupid. Although, in an attempt to avoid accusations of shallowness, I will reiterate that bad sex, at least in a “relationship” context (ie not just a random) is probably representative of some deeper malaise between the two of you.
And deep malaise is always a good reason for pretty much anything.
Is this is a trick question? Ho well, few things are worse than hearing your friends brag about great sex when yours is practically non existent and you miss it. If sex is important enough to either of you, wouldn’t you be creating at atmosphere of infidelity if being physical is unapalatable for whatever reason. Go for a good balance man, even if you know lust ain’t permanent.
I don’t quite see how this sort of smoking can be part of a definition of bad sex?.. unless actually he smokes ciggies (or worse, cigars?! a pipe??!!) while being all animal and, even worse, not attired such that he might referee a professional snooker match?!
Sorry, couldn’t resist that…
Certainly however, smoker’s breath is not part of my idea of good sex…
…and I haven’t yet met anyone whose commentary, should they so choose to provide one, during sex doesn’t turn me off totally… However, if it’s grunting and groaning then that’s fine, as long as it’s not too theatrical, darling…
To answer the question then, yes, I reckon bad sex can equate to cheerio if it’s someone you haven’t known for long.
vance: yes… for gay men, an “open relationship” is a very acceptable option to such a situation…
mike: it’s smokers’ breath that turns me completely off. I don’t just “taste” it in his mouth, but it also passes into my mouth and lingers there for quite a long while… it’s *NOT* pleasant at all. I end up not only avoiding kissing him (which makes it all awkward) but also thinking about his breath for the entire duration of the “session” - it winds me up completely… and not in a good way!
BTW, it’s groaning, grunting, moaning, writhing and… somehow… it comes across as not only theatrical but also rather primitive, or primate-like, if I might…!
I don’t mind a bit of talk as long a) it sounds natural and not like they’re recreating key scenes from Cream Of The Cock and b) they don’t expect me to participate - I am NOT comfortable asking anybody to ‘give it to me daddy’ outside the context of a shopping trip.
That said, in all seriousness bad sex is ALWAYS a good reason to nip it in the bud (so to speak). People in relationships are already in constant turmoil over the whole ‘can’t sleep with other people’ load of old-fashioned sentimental bollocks. Imagine if the one person you ARE allowed to have sex with is totally rubbish at it.
Might as well die.
I find smoker’s breath hot. I can’t help it.
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