I find myself worrying a lot lately… I’ve always thought ahead and expressed concerns about various things that may or may not come to pass (that’s why I’m so good at logistical work), and I do like to fret… however, even I notice that this tendency has risen to somewhat higher than normal levels lately. And I’m worried about that too!

The one thing that’s foremost on my mind right now is my research, i.e. the work, or rather the lack of work I’m doing towards the PhD. It’s not progressing at as rapid a pace as I would wish and want. The constraints of time is slowly becoming a factor and that’s adding to my anxiety. Various deadlines are looming up and the list of tasks to get round to is building as I plod along.

Connected to the PhD is the issue of money. Or rather the lack of money. Managing my finances has become not just tedious and farcical but also a pointless affair - there really isn’t anything to manage. Really. This issue, in many ways, is giving me more grief than that of my research work. It’s a constant, daily pounding headache…

At the moment, I also have boy-worries, though, to my credit, I recognise that this is really not necessarily the most important thing in my life right now, I try to put that as far behind me as possible. Also, thankfully, the boy-worries are rather minor. I fret about why he doesn’t contact me, or why he doesn’t tell me how he feels about me, or whether he’s serious about me/us… Trivial stuff really…

The one thing that does worry me a lot these days though is the trend, in the gay community, towards versatality. What has happened to the pure tops and bottoms? Has everyone discovered that there’s more than one genie in the lamp of anal sex? While I’m glad that gay men are finding happiness and pleasure in more ways than one, this lack of clearly defined roles is confusing and not very helpful in the dating scene. I have enough ambiguity in my own life to deal with without having to worry about whether the man I’m taking home with me is going surprise me with demands that I can’t possibly fulfil… Seriously… what happened to having clearly defined roles and knowing your place in society…?!? Seriously…!

Posted on April 25th, 2007 by jl
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