It’s five days before I leave Australia for fieldwork. Three before I leave Canberra. I don’t want to go.

I’ve been subconciously working on the false logic that if nothing’s arranged and nothing’s confirmed then the trip isn’t really happening and that I’m not leaving my comfortable surrounds for what promises to be a God-awful trip where I expand tireless energy in order to do God-awful interviews from which I will end up soliciting very little extra data or knowledge.

Some of you might wonder what’s so terrible about traipsing the world on a trip that is effectively paid-for by others in order to meet highly-positioned individuals working for powerful organisations?!? Well… let me just say that it’s not all it appears to be. It sounds very nice on the surface but it’s actually very stressful, very tiring and sometimes very unpleasant work in reality. The fact is I know better now having done one such trip exactly a year ago - and hence my very logical reticence, nay, reluctance in going on such a trip again. It’s just a very horrible experience.

Don’t get me wrong - I love travelling but travelling for a holiday. Not travelling for this…! This is really a God-awful reason to travel and it’s not going to be pleasant. In fact, I’m so alergic to this trip that I’m paralysed by the fear of it all. The thought of it sends shivers down my spine and tears through my ducts. I honestly wished I didn’t have to do it but like chemotherapy for cancer patients, this fieldtrip may not be pleasant but it’s good for me and it raises the chances that I will complete and succeed in the PhD…

I really have no words right now… I’m semi-catatonic, embraced by the fear of it all, working on auto-pilot… Paraphrasing my best friend, I wished it were true that if I stayed up all night, tomorrow will never come…

Posted on September 22nd, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Fieldwork