I’ve had to cancel a trip this weekend to see my boyfriend.

That’s how bad things are becoming.

I used to have time to watch an hour of “tv” in bed before going to sleep but in the past week that little luxury has disappeared.

For the first four months of this year, I went to the gym four times a week. In the past month, I’d be lucky if I managed to squeeze two trips out of the week.

I have it on good authority that this isn’t the worst yet. It is to come.

Frankly, I’m over it.

I’m tired of feeling constantly stressed.

I’m tired of constantly thinking about the thesis, even if it’s a nagging, annoying voice at the back of my head.

I’m tired of being in constant fear that the thesis will not be good enough or that I will never complete it.

I’m tired of being constantly on the verge of tears.

I’m tired of constantly juggling so many different priorities and activities that can never truly be reconciled.

I’m tired of feeling constantly paralysed from all this fear, anxiety and stress to the point of feeling catatonic half the time and completely unworthy the other half.

They really should have a health warning on PhDs, but they don’t. Meanwhile, I feel ready to be institutionalised into an asylum. I’m ready to crack.

  

Posted on May 30th, 2008 by jl
Filed under: Life!, work