A friend in London asked me to tell him about the men in Seoul. So being the diligent researcher that I am, I spent a week making observations. This is my report.

Posted on October 14th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Fieldwork, Life's gay! | 1 Comment »

I find myself worrying a lot lately… I’ve always thought ahead and expressed concerns about various things that may or may not come to pass (that’s why I’m so good at logistical work), and I do like to fret… however, even I notice that this tendency has risen to somewhat higher than normal levels lately. And I’m worried about that too!

The one thing that’s foremost on my mind right now is my research, i.e. the work, or rather the lack of work I’m doing towards the PhD. It’s not progressing at as rapid a pace as I would wish and want. The constraints of time is slowly becoming a factor and that’s adding to my anxiety. Various deadlines are looming up and the list of tasks to get round to is building as I plod along.

Connected to the PhD is the issue of money. Or rather the lack of money. Managing my finances has become not just tedious and farcical but also a pointless affair - there really isn’t anything to manage. Really. This issue, in many ways, is giving me more grief than that of my research work. It’s a constant, daily pounding headache…

At the moment, I also have boy-worries, though, to my credit, I recognise that this is really not necessarily the most important thing in my life right now, I try to put that as far behind me as possible. Also, thankfully, the boy-worries are rather minor. I fret about why he doesn’t contact me, or why he doesn’t tell me how he feels about me, or whether he’s serious about me/us… Trivial stuff really…

The one thing that does worry me a lot these days though is the trend, in the gay community, towards versatality. What has happened to the pure tops and bottoms? Has everyone discovered that there’s more than one genie in the lamp of anal sex? While I’m glad that gay men are finding happiness and pleasure in more ways than one, this lack of clearly defined roles is confusing and not very helpful in the dating scene. I have enough ambiguity in my own life to deal with without having to worry about whether the man I’m taking home with me is going surprise me with demands that I can’t possibly fulfil… Seriously… what happened to having clearly defined roles and knowing your place in society…?!? Seriously…!

Posted on April 25th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life!, Life's gay! | No Comments »

I am now on a most surreal diet.

While I used to take one protein shake daily except on days when I am training where I take two, I am now, on advice, beginning a new diet which consists of three shakes a day. They are not just ordinary protein shakes but they are supplemented with carbohydrate to help the bulking process. In addition, I’ve discovered the wonder of creatine, so that’s an another supplement that I take before going to the gym. And then because of all the gas that I get with the protein-supplements, I’ve now started taking bromelain which not only helps with the bloatedness but supposedly also the digestion and absorption of the protein - this, if you’re following, is a supplement for a supplement! How fucked is that…?!? All this in addition to the multi-vitamins that I already take on a daily basis. So as you can imagine… my diet consists of practically only supplements..

I am still taking 3 meals a day except that with all these shakes, I’m not as hungry at meal times as I would be, so my portions are becoming smaller. I’m also shifting to eating more vegetables and meat rather than carbs since that is already being taken care of by the supplements!

I really do have a surreal diet… It’s so 21st century…

—

It’s been one year since I started this whole gym business - I have just renewed my annual gym membership. Now that Mardi Gras is over, it’s time to get ready for next year’s…!

Posted on March 6th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay!, blah blah | No Comments »

Mardi Gras should be a made a national public holiday.

I pledge alegiance to the Land of Queens and Muscle Marys. A land beyond the missionary position. A land where indulgence is de-rigeur and decorum optional.

I promise to uphold the values of this vaunted community: vanity, beauty, diversity, multiplicity, duplicity, variety, youth, sarcarsm, and above all pride.

I endeavour to maintain the core rites to Queen-dom: rimming, spit-roasting, deep-throating, campiness, voluminous hair, pink handbags, and slaved worship of the most royal queen of all, Madonna.

Finally, I solemnly swear to abide by the most sacred, most cherished practice of all in the Land of Queens and Muscle Marys - the eternal reverance for the penis. I swear to worship every single penis as if it were my own. I vow to experience the penis in every possible way. I endeavour to discover every single penis that exists and to slather each and every one with love-juice wrapped in the warmth of my mouth. I will adopt as my life goal the discovery of ever bigger penises, for size is everything. Cut, uncut. White, red, yellow or black. Bent, straight or crook. I shall genuflect and the penis shall be revered.

—

If you seriously wanted to, you could party non-stop for two whole weeks in Sydney in the lead up to Mardi Gras.

It all begins with Fair Day two weekends before Mardi Gras. It starts nice and easy, very relaxed, very casual, in fact, almost familial. It’s still almost just locals in the city and life is just that little bit above “normal”.

Then come the weekend before Mardi Gras. There’s the Pool Party on Saturday evening from 7pm. Then then Azure Party (formerly known as the Harbour Party) on Sunday from 3pm to 11pm. The city starts to flood (literally) with visitors as each day passes. The internet chat rooms are busier than usual. There are new, or foreign, faces in every pub and club. The venues are packed, heaving even, every evening until the following weekend. There’s a palpable sense of anticipation and excitement in the air and we’re not just talking about guys getting off (alone or with each other)!

Mardi Gras weekend begins with the Parade on Saturday, then the official Party and if you haven’t had enough, then Toybox, a.k.a. the Recovery Party, on Sunday from noon until 8pm.

They know how to throw a good party Down Under.

Posted on March 3rd, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay! | No Comments »

When gay men decided to adopt the idea of an “open relationship”, I wonder if they thought they were being progressive, realistic, sensible, revolutionary or if they thought about it at all…!?!??

I know that gay men weren’t the first to come up with “open relationships” - “swinging” was popular among some straight couples from the 1960s onwards. However, as a proportion of all relationships, I think I could assert with great certainty that “open relationships” are not just more prevalent but also more public, and thus officially adopted, among gay couples these days.

For a while there I tried to understand why gay men do it? Some cite sexual boredom after years of being with a partner. Others say it helps with different sexual needs and desires (one guy might like S&M while the other doesn’t). Yet others have different sexual drives - some guys just need it more than others and some just can’t keep up! Some say it helps keep the relationship “fresh” and interesting - you might learn new tricks along the way. Some couples have to live apart for long periods of time because of work or other commitments and an open relationship thus helps them meet their interim needs. Others do it just because they can!

It took a while before I finally got round to the idea that perhaps an open relationship isn’t so out of the “ordinary” after all… and that perhaps under some circumstances it is not just an option but also a solution for some couples and that despite whatever pre-conceived or inherited, moral views I might hold about open relationships, perhaps for some couples it does work. Perhaps for these couples they can have a sexually open but emotionally closed relationship and still keep it going…

And yet… I still have my doubts…

I can’t help but feel that as human beings, it’s difficult to separate the physical from the emotional - not that it’s impossible but that it’s difficult. At some point in one’s series of encounters, that barrier will give way, in which case, I wonder what impact it will have on the relationship. However, say that one is able to keep that barrier up on a sustained basis, then what cost would that entail? Does sex become merely cold a physiological exercise? In which case, does the sexual relationship become merely sexual and no longer a relationship? Or do relationships become simply platonic?

And then there are issues of jealousy and privacy. This is aside from all the other practical reasons for not having an open relationship - the risk that you bring diseases home, that you might not have enough energy for your partner after a day “working” at it elsewhere, or that you end up fucking your partner’s supervisor’s son-in-law.

Ultimately it’s not my place to judge what’s right or wrong for others. I’ve had interesting conversations with many trying to learn and understand how each one works out the dynamics and practicalities of their own open relationship but ultimately, where I am concerned, I still don’t think this is something for me…

—

Kevin: … speaking as a gay [man] I’ve never been able to master the art of being faithful.

Scotty: Oh. That. That’s too bad. But then you can’t be faithful to anything until you know why you should.

- Brothers & Sisters, Season 1, Episode 3

Posted on March 1st, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life's gay! | 3 Comments »