How does one know that “love” is “real”?

While it’s entirely possible that two people can care and even “love” each other, how do we know that these emotions are the result of “romantic attraction” and not the result of habituation and “socialisation”?

While what the other party says might tell us something, they are not definitive as it is not unheard of that people say things they don’t necessarily mean.

This leaves with us having to observe actions/behaviour. However, does this mean all behaviour or only some? Is there perhaps a distinction to be made between critical behaviour and more mundane less important acts? So for instance, it says something when someone is willing to change their jobs and relocate just to be with you but it really doesn’t say much that he doesn’t call you everyday?

In observing behaviour, are one-off actions important, or do they have to be repeated before they acquire any meaning? Thus, does the fact that he remembered an important occassion and took you out for a fancy dinner say more than the fact that he constantly expects you to let him do what he wants even if it’s not what you want?

How do we discern, from the diverse range of human behaviour that “love” is “true”?

Or do we, as a friend intimated, rely on “intuition” and “gut feel” instead of on “facts”? And if so, how certain can we be of the reliability of our “intuition”?

Posted on June 2nd, 2008 by jl
Filed under: love | 13 Comments »

15 days. That’s what my many countdown-timers on my Facebook profile and Google Homepage tell me is left to the time I have before leaving Australia for fieldwork.

15 days. It sounds so soon. It’s just a day over two weeks.

15 days.

It may not appear to be so on the surface but I’m seriously in a panic deep under.

Posted on September 5th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Fieldwork, Life!, love | 2 Comments »

The passage of time is generally only ever noted when punctuated by significant events and activities.

This week, a mate of mine from the Department, on the verge of completing his Ph.D., leaves Canberra for Birmingham, UK where he will take up a position as a lecturer. His departure highlights how time is running out on my own research and how I too will soon have to contemplate career choices and decisions.

This time last year, I was watching Big Brother and was very busy preparing for my research fieldtrip to Kuala Lumpur and Bangkok. This time this year, I should be doing the same for my upcoming fieldtrip to Seoul and Kuala Lumpur… I should… but I am not. However, I am still watching Big Brother.

One of my best friends in Canberra has just completed her undergraduate degree and will be leaving Australia in a few weeks’ time. I have known her for two and a half years. I will be saying goodbye to her this week and bid farewell to late-night chats in each other’s flats, angsty conversations about men, and sharing tips on knitting.

I am meeting a very, very good friend in Sydney next week. We’ve known each other for 28 years now. I last saw him in April 2006 - it’s been over a year. We’ve so much to catch up on. I’m really looking forward to seeing him again.

Yesterday, I found myself having to stop and actually count how long my last relationship had lasted. The answer was no longer reflexive and automatic. It was eight years.

I’ve been dating someone. I haven’t blogged or talked about this much. This week marks 24 weeks, or close to 6 months, that we’ve been seeing each other. It’s going well.

I frequently wonder where all the time has gone… and how I could have achieved so little in so much time… but I know, if nothing else, I have lived.

Posted on July 5th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life!, Remnants of a Previous Life, love | 1 Comment »

It’s been 3 years but there are still two things that I can’t buy or eat without thinking of the-ex - sweet corn and pistachios. They were his most favourite.

I hesitate just a second, every single time, before picking up packets of sweet corn in the supermarkets - they are good here in Australia. And for the first time in three years, I finally bought pistachios over the weekend.

Relationships… how they affect you long after they have ended…

From my vantage point at the moment, I can understand why some people choose not to fall in love again after the end of a significant relationship - you just don’t want to risk another break up. It can truly break you. Staying single is a defence mechanism - it salvages and preserves what’s left of you.

—

I’ve been very quiet on this blog lately. There really hasn’t been much that I have wanted to say. Or at least nothing that I could articulate in a clear manner.

I’ve been dating someone for the last five months. It’s been going well but I don’t think it’s going to go where I would like it to go. I think I need to put up defences before I become broken… again.

Posted on June 12th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: Life!, love | No Comments »

I hate how when you enter into a relationship, even a budding one, you invest the other with the power to hurt you, either conciously or unconsciously, actively or passively… you do.

I hate how no matter what you tell yourself you’d do, you would still have expectations of the other and as is frequently the case with expectations of other human beings, they are not always met (for whatever reason). So you end up being disappointed… and maybe even hurt.

I started “seeing” a “special someone” again recently… It’s been about seven weeks now. I told myself that I will take this one slow, that I will not analyse the dynamics of the relationship and that I will have no expectations of it - I told myself I will let nature take its course and just go with the flow…

Well… I was hoping he would spend this weekend with me, he even suggested a couple of days ago that he might, but as luck would have it, he isn’t. I knew that the chances of him doing so was low, in fact, I even told a friend that if I were the betting sort, I would bet against him showing up, but the fact of the matter is… who am I kidding? Despite what I tell myself and what my rational mind might argue or suggest, I do have expectations. I am disappointed… and a little hurt.

This is what happens when you open your heart, even a crack, and let someone in… you give them the power to hurt you even though they don’t know they’re doing it.

—

It is one thing to want something. It is another to not want something. When you strive too hard to prevent an event, you soon end up defensive and apprehensive. Are you making a positive statement now? Or is there a negative edge to your attitude? To what extent are you reacting to a set of silly circumstances? Are you sure that you are not just responding to an unreasonable fear? Where you detect doubt or fear in the back of your mind, make an effort to replace it with faith and trust.
- Cainer for Aries this weekend

Posted on March 10th, 2007 by jl
Filed under: love | 1 Comment »