http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com home of an accidental academic Down Under Fri, 22 Aug 2008 06:24:49 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en I feel as if I'm reaching a breaking point. As Matt characterised the state of our beings, I am like an elastic band that has had all the stretch taken out of me. The sheer repetitiveness and unending nature of this PhD exercise are killing me. There are very few intermediate goals ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/07/27/doing-my-head-in/ My life is driven by, and built around, fear at the moment. There have been many a moment and days where I literally can't work because I am paralysed by fear. I sit at my desk with my hands under my thighs. My body is catatonic with absolute fear of never ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/07/22/fear/ http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/06/18/the-look-of-work/ How does one know that "love" is "real"? While it's entirely possible that two people can care and even "love" each other, how do we know that these emotions are the result of "romantic attraction" and not the result of habituation and "socialisation"? While what the other party says might tell us ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/06/02/true-love/ I've had to cancel a trip this weekend to see my boyfriend. That's how bad things are becoming. I used to have time to watch an hour of "tv" in bed before going to sleep but in the past week that little luxury has disappeared. For the first four months of this year, ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/05/30/cracking/ I have just consciously realised that I've become a social zombie. While I can manage pleasant innocuous conversations, such as: you: How are you? me: I'm fine. How are you going? you: well thanks. isn't the weather lovely? me: yeah... it's nice out in the sun. that's about all I can manage. I can't quite bring myself ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/05/28/social-zombie/ It's been a while since I've written a blog post. It's been difficult, if not outright impossible, to do so. On the one hand, I'd like to say that there is so much going on in my life right now but in reality, there is really only one thing that ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/05/21/999/ ask me not how i am as you want not to really know ask me not how i am because it pains me to reply ask me not how i am for i am not well --- excerpts from emails I had recently sent... On 14 March: I went to bed at 4.30am after writing 800 words. That's not ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/03/26/i-am-not-well/ I haven't been blogging... I haven't much felt like it... I haven't had anything I wanted to say... or rather, there have been things on my mind but I haven't been able to find a way of articulating them in a sufficiently coherent manner so as to blog about them... ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2008/03/10/i-dont-feel-like-blogging/ As if to underscore the sentiments I expressed in my previous post, I had the most God-awful morning yesterday. BAD MALAYSIAN TRAFFIC It all started when I thought that leaving my mum's place at 9am for my temporary office in KL was going to be a good idea. I thought that I ... http://www.mindfulofmirrors.com/2007/12/12/and-this/